A little over one year ago, I got through a bad depression bump by doing something utterly ridiculous: starting a sex blog. Looking back, I have no idea how I managed to set up self-hosted blog while in a deep depressive fog at 2am… especially as since then I’ve had to ask for lots of tech help to keep my blog up and running. (Most of it from the man whose birthday my blog shares.)
Today I’m celebrating my one year blogiversary.
Thirteen months ago, I had absolutely no plans to start a sex blog, so looking back over the last year almost makes me feel I’ve been living someone else’s life. I suppose, in a way I have been: I am Quinn Rhodes, baby sex blogger and aspiring sex educator. I love being my sex-writer superhero self, and I can’t believe how much I’ve changed since I started writing my blog.
In the last twelve months, I’ve done things I never dreamed I’d do. I’ve been paid for my writing for the first time and I’ve had my first ever threesome. I’ve seen my then-pen-name in print, and fucked a girl with a strap-on. I went to Eroticon and attended my first sex club. I’ve written to deadlines, both self-imposed and for commissioned work, and been the first person to get my tits out at a spontaneous sex party. I’ve had my words published by on the blogs of my sex blogging heroes, and I’ve made several very cute humans come using my hands and mouth. I can’t help but smile when I think about it all.
That’s only a snapshot of the highlights, both writing-related and sex-related. I’ve had so many adventures this year, from throwing up on another boy’s cock to realising that this is what I want to do with my life. I want to write about sex.
It might have been the best year ever.
It’s been a difficult year for me, and it might still be the best year ever. I’ve had my heart broken, struggled with my depression, and made some big life-plan decisions. I’ve come out to people close to me as queer, and dealt with their reactions. I’ve had my sex blog discovered and had to change my identity to keep myself safe. I’m still here though; I’m still writing.
My blog has helped me stay sane. I’ve written my way through tough feelings and learned so many things about my body and my kinks. I’ve learned how to make myself come, as well as writing about orgasm denial. I’ve begun to explore my pain tolerance during impact play while writing about spanking. I’ve fallen in love -maybe – and been on dates with other sex bloggers. Writing my blog has allowed me to explore who I am and discovery my identity as an ethical slut and a sex nerd.
I’ve also discovered how important it is to me to tell the world who I am. Not only do I no longer bite my tongue when faced with homophobia, sexism, etc. in my everyday life, but I’m also learning to be unapologetically myself. I’ve finally worked out how to dress to feel like myself and feel powerful, whether that’s a quirky, queer femme style or more soft dyke. Oh, and I’ve discovered how much I like wearing cat ears.
There is a lot I want to do in the next year. I want to write all the things, read all the things, do all the things. I want to get involved in my local kink community, get better at giving head, and work harder to write more diversity into my erotica. I have lots of books to read, blogs to read, and a balance to find between university and blogging. I have also set out a five (slightly vague) Smutlancer-based goals for the coming year:
Write more. I want to create and publish more blog posts. I have so many things I want to write about – sex adventures I’ve had, kinks I’m exploring, ways I’m dealing with my mental illness, feelings about polyamory and relationships… I have a list longer than my dildo collection of smutty stories I’m planning, as well as a number of toys still waiting to be reviewed. I want to write more and post on my blog more frequently. I want to feel organised and in control of my blog, while
Reach out. I have also have many, many ideas to pitch to sex toy companies. Although I’ve only been sex blogging for a year, I still have knowledge, skills and confidence. Specifically for the latter, I’m confident enough to walk out into the world and tell people why they should pay me to write for them, work with me, or sponsor my site as my blog continues to grow. I’m going to sit down and email people about how awesome I am and how I’d like to collaborate.
Be active. Not only do I want to be consistent in writing and publishing new content on my site, I want to be more active in the sex blogging community. There are so many people writing brilliant blogs and making the world better through sex positive content, and I want to spend more time reading, sharing and commenting on their work.
Submit my work. I want to get more of my work published, and I want to enter writing competitions. I need to be brave enough to send my writing out into the world, to be considered for anthologies or be evaluated against other people’s work. This also links to my first goal, of course, because to submit my writing I need to first actually write.
Do Eroticon. After an incredible experience last year, I cannot wait to go back. I took so much away from this incredible sex writing conference, from lube samples to ways to improve my SEO to inspiration to keep blogging. I met the people whose blogs spurred me to starting my own sex blog. I got turned on while listening to some of the talks and inspired while listening to others. I made new friends, hugged people I’d been talking to via Twitter for months, and asked a very pretty girl if I could kiss her. I spent a weekend surrounded by my people, and I want to do so again.
Oh, and I’m also plotting a few kinky adventures right now, but you might not hear about those until the little details crop up in blog posts…
My brand new artwork, designed and drawn by sex-positive
illustrator Amy Gardner (@starboots_ on Twitter).
I’m not the same person as I was when I started writing this blog, and today I’m wondering if I will be unrecognisable to myself in another year’s time. I’ve been a feminist for a long time, and I’ve always dreamed big, but today my dreams are different. Nowadays I’m a sex-positive sex nerd who posts photos of my butt on the internet and writes about kink, sex, feminism and mental health, mixing queer, progressive erotica with essays about my depression.
I’m still very much on queer street, I’m still trying to find my feet. But I’ve made it through one year of sex blogging, and I’m ready for another year of friendship, flirting and fucking-adventures. And writing all about the things I feel in my head, heart and cunt, of course. I can’t wait for the exciting experiences and explorations that await me in my second year of sex blogging.
I hope you’ll all join me on the journey.
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a freelance journalist, sex writer, and professional transsexual. His work focuses on dismantling shame and queering sex.