It’s June, so it’s time for a Share Our Shit Saturday post. As May is Masturbation Month, it maybe shouldn’t be a surprise that I’ve finished the month with more links to posts that stood out to me than usual. Although, not many of the posts in my round-up of May’s sex positive shit are actually about masturbation…
However, they’re all incredibly well-written and important pieces of work, so please shower all of these amazing writers with the love and clicks and shares they deserve.
With a lot of discussion around reproductive rights at the moment, it’s important to look at whose voices are not being heard in the conversation and Sexology Bae definitely does that here. If a post makes me feel uncomfortable to read, I generally take that as a sign that I really need to read it and examine the ways I am contributing to – in this case – the power of middle-class white cis women at the expense of other women.
“White women historically weaponize this wherever possible, because they continue to benefit. So excuse me for not getting all up in arms because these “backwards” southern white men are trying to take my rights away.”
I related a lot to this post – I often find myself holding myself to standards that I’d never expect of anyone else. The idea of being as kind to yourself as you would to your best friend is a really hard one, but – as Carly points out – one that’s definitely worth working on.
“Would you let someone insult your best friend? Deny them the food they would enjoy? Absolutely not!! So why would you do that to yourself?”
I’m delighted that Eve has been joining in with Masturbation Monday in May, and this post about masturbation and chronic illness is excellent. She talks about the fear that can build up when your body might not cooperate with you and you know that even a five minute wank could take hours (or days) to recover from.
“Logic (aka my partner) says I just need to jump in, ignore the anxiety, and knock one out, but my brain keeps telling me it’s not that easy. The fear is valid, and that’s what complicates everything.”
Fuck, this piece is so hot. I definitely identify with the label ‘slutty bookworm’ and the mind fuckery Hermione’s Tinder Dom had planned for her is deliciously cruel. She describes it so well that I can imagine I’m there, my arms shaking as I struggled to please a man who feigned indifference to my suffering. Mmfff…
“My arms shook, my eyes stung with tears, my breathing quickened. Any slight movement jostled the clamps and sent a jolt of pleasure-pain straight from my nipples to my cunt, making my arms tremble even more.”
As someone with vaginismus, I’m always a fan of pieces about how you can have a fulfilling sex life without penetration – or in this case, any sex at all. Emmeline talks about the ways we can reconnect and create intimacy with our partners, which is an important discussion in shifting away from ideas of heteronormative sexual interactions.
“What is intimacy? It’s a state of being where you are willing to share and show your most vulnerable intricacies with someone else and to invite them to share in that moment with you – bringing their own self in alignment with you in order to achieve an amalgam that no one else will be privy to in exactly the same way.”
After attending Cara’s hugely impactful session at Eroticon in March, I couldn’t not share this piece. She’s written an overview of the discussion she led on race, sexism, misogyny, and privilege, and – just like hearing her speak – it’s not an easy read for me as a white, cis woman who has lots of privilege. Again, however, that’s why it’s important.
“Are you a racist? Yes. Yes, you are. I want you to sit with that and the feelings it draws up in you. Does it make you mad? Defensive? Because you aren’t or because you can’t possibly be a racist.”
In the Smutlancer Spotlight this week we have Kayla Lords, with a message I really needed to hear on the day she published it. We put so many expectations on ourselves as content creators, and sometimes it’s really hard to not beat ourselves up when we don’t meet our impossible goals. Kayla suggests a list of questions we should ask ourselves when we have more plans than hours in the day.
“So why am I acting like I’m “failing” for not hitting my ideal target? It’s time for a reality check.”
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a queer, trans, disabled sex blogger. He’s a sex nerd with vaginismus who writes about his adventures in learning to fuck without fucking up. Quinn can usually be found wearing stomp-on-the-patriarchy boots while falling in love every time he fucks. For his less explicit content on trans inclusivity, check out whatsinyourpants.co.