4 unusual love languages (which yes, include pee)

Three speech bubble hearts, each depicting a different kinky love language: one with a phone with an unread audio message, one with the date of a hospital appointment circled in a calendar; one with someone with a dick peeing on someone's face. Artwork.
Artwork by Violet Fawkes.

I hadn’t heard of love languages until I got involved in the sex blogging community. If you haven’t either, the basic idea is that we all have ways that we like to both give and receive affection, and these fall into five categories: acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch and receiving gifts. While I admit that I’ve never taken the test to work out what mine are, I can tell you about some of my kinky love languages.

Content note for piss play and mentions of vaguely disordered food things. Credit to the fabulous Coffee and Kink for the name Clit Bait, which I’m using for this series of sex-positive listicle with a potentially-provocative headlines. 

You can read more about love languages here, and Loving BDSM have done a fab podcast about love languages within D/s relationships. But these are all ways that partners have shown me affection in very specific and kinky love languages…

#1: Sending me adorable and/or erotic audio messages

When I’m low on spoons, sometimes even a phone call with someone I love is too much energy. The brilliant thing about technology is that it’s possible for me to hear a partner’s voice without having to uncurl from fetal position or make coherent noises that could be interpreted as actual words. Audio recordings let me feel close to my partner, without even having to open my eyes to read their words. Voice messages make me feel less alone when I’m struggling… or can turn me on if my partner wants to reduce me to a blushing, giggly mess. I’m a huge word slut, and there’s very little hotter than my partner whispering filth directly into my ear from miles away. But whether it’s a reminder that they love me or a reminder that I’m a very dirty girl who they’re going to spank very firmly when they see me next week, it will have me smiling.

#2: Working around my health

There’s a chance this particular love language falls under the heading of ‘not being a shitty partner’ but it means so much to me when the folks I’m fucking work around my mental or physical health – without making me feel like a burden. Between anxiety, depression, vaginismus, vaguely disordered eating habits and (the fabulous new edition of) severe eczema, there are often sex and non-sex things that off the table when I’m with the people I’m fucking. I feel bad when I have to place limits on what we can do together, and being reassured that it doesn’t matter makes a big difference. Partners have accompanied me to out-patient appointments, changed plans so I could eat at the weird-and-very specific time my body told me I needed food, and even altered the way we sleep in a bed together – less snuggled, sadly, so there was less skin contact. All without making me feel bad for asking, or like it was a big deal to them to make me feel comfortable and safe.

#3: Calling me a dirty little bitch

Ok, yes, words of affirmation are an actual love language, and I’m pretty sure if I took the test I’d discover that they’re one of mine. Specifically hot for me, though, is people using the words that are hot to me while we’re fucking or sexting. Actually, it’s maybe more important that they avoid the words that squick me out: I don’t want to be called a ‘whore’, I don’t want to sit on your ‘fat’ dick, and don’t want you to talk about caning my ‘boobies’ or my ‘titties’ – its boobs or tits, folks. My partners tend towards polyamorous, and some of them do love those words, so it means a lot when they remember my preferences and tailor their dirty talk to the words that turn me on when they’re fucking me. No, I don’t have a ‘pussy’ if we’re getting naked together, but I will absolutely grind my cunt against your boot while you call me a filthy slut, thank you very much.

#4: Pissing on me (like seriously, pretty please)

This is where things get really kinky: pee is a way folks can show that they love me. It can be more effective than flowers, actually, because piss play isn’t everyone’s kink and being down to negotiate with me means that you probably care about me a lot. I find piss so hot, and up there with my favourite kinks because I find it incredibly intimate. Folks I’ve fucked have pissed on my tits, on my arse, on my cunt, on my face… pee is degrading and filthy, and the trust that comes with playing with it is so very hot. It takes communication (I’m a sex nerd – I love talking about sex) and can lead beautifully into shower sex. Whether it’s a shared kink and my partner is getting off on it, or they’re doing it as an act of service topping because they know I love it, there is no better way to show that you accept me and love me than pissing on my cunt before telling me that my chance to come today is now, rubbing your pee into my clit. Mmmff…

What are your unusual or kinky love languages? Drop me a comment here or tweet at me and let me know! 

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