Today I’m super excited to share today’s post with y’all, and – if I’m being totally honest – I’m super proud that I got my hands on a set of Sheets of San Francisco fluid proof sheets to review! It’s a review-with-a-twist, of course, because right now I’m having fun approaching sex toys from unconventional perspective because I can’t use them in the ‘traditional’ way because of my vaginismus.
Thank you to Sheets of San Francisco for sending me a fluid proof sheet for free in exchange for my honest review. This in no way influences my opinions, which are very much my own, and there are no affiliate links in this particular post.
Vaginismus is generally defined as the involuntary contraction of muscles around the opening of the vagina. The tight muscle contraction makes sexual intercourse or any sexual activity that involves penetration painful or impossible. Of course, the fact I don’t have penetrative vaginal sex doesn’t stop me from using Sheets of San Francisco‘s brilliant fluid proof sheets, it did give me an idea for how I could write review with a new take, laced with my signature quirkiness.
Standard sex-toy stats
Sheets Of San Francisco (hereafter SoSF) are a UK-based company whose niche are high quality products that enable folks to enjoy the delightfully messy experience of sex as much as they want, and whenever and wherever they want. The product they sent me as a black Fluid Proof Fitted Sheet for a double bed, and I had so much fun testing it out!
All of SoSF’s fluid proof sheets are made in the UK from 2-ply, engineered, rubber feel, polyurethane fabric. The team at SoSF put months into developing unique fabrics and designs which have evolved into the innovative range of products they offer today – and in my mind it shows in the quality of their fluid proof sheets (though also in their prices!).
The fluid proof sheet I have is seamless, machine washable, breathable, fitted, AND helped me learn what a ’25cm pocket’ on a sheet means. SoSF offer their fitted funsheets in black (like mine) and white (which would be brilliant for folks with a medical kink), and they also make fluid proof throws and pillow cases. They offer their fitted sheets in a whole range of sizes, plus custom sizing and a duvet cover option.
I’ve used the Sheets Of San Francisco fluid proof sheets for lots of super fun messy sex adventures – including lubed-up hand jobs, butt plug play, and strap-on anal sex. I’ve also slept on them when I’m on my period so I have to spend less time washing blood stains out of my sheets. However, the main reason I rescue them from my sex toy shelf on a regular basis is to use them while I play with my vaginal dilators, because putting things in my vagina makes me feel like I’m about to pee.
Review-with-a-twist: Sheets of San Francisco fluid proof sheet
While I’ve owned a set of Sh! vibrating vaginal dilators for more than a year now, but I only started using them a few months ago. I’ve learned a lot about my own anatomy in the last year, and am slowly becoming much less scared of my own vulva as I unlearn internalised sexual shame. While there’s no requirement for folks with vaginismus to work towards being able to experience non-painful penetration (or, in my case, any penetration), I’m a sex nerd and slut who would like to feel fingers, dildos and dicks inside me.
Working on dilating my vagina is a very slow process, not least because learning to relax my pelvic floor muscles doesn’t only affect my vagina makes it feel like I’m also relaxing my bladder. Essentially, I spend a lot of my current masturbation time feeling like I’m about to pee.
To be honest, even the smallest of Sh!’s dilators is too big for me at the moment – even my smallest finger is too small for me to put inside my cunt at the moment! Full disclosure: I find working on my vaginismus really hard and pretty painful at the moment. Even when I’m fully relaxed and using lots of lube, something pressed against the entrance to my cunt can hurt. That pain adds to the fear of putting things in or even near my vagina, which increases the feedback loop that makes the thought of attempting penetration scary because I know it will hurt.
I don’t have vaginismus because I have a “broken” vagina – I just have an overdeveloped set of pelvic floor muscles. Understanding that really helped. My homework from vagina therapy (which is a real thing, but not really called that) includes exercises to relax my pelvic floor muscles – which are the opposite of kegel exercises. It also includes “compulsory” masturbation, where I have to relax my body and work up to using my dilators.
But even as a huge slut who loves wanking, having to jerk off isn’t always super fun – especially when it’s masturbation that you know is going to hurt. So even before we get to the fact that pushing half-a-centimetre of a dilator into my vagina makes me feel like I need to pee, owning a SoSF fluid proof sheet helped me shift how I was approaching my homework-y masturbation sessions. I started to set aside time to work on my vaginismus, starting with five minutes to dig out and put the fluid proof sheet on my bed. It helped me masturbate more mindfully. Not only could I use as much lube as I wanted without worrying about mess, but the SoSF sheets also feel really fucking good.
The sheets are tactile, with a soft rubbery feel that feels surprisingly sexy. They’re also tough, and definitely up to withstanding vigorous kinky fucking – though I admit I haven’t had my partner stand on my in their boots while lying on the sheets yet. The luxurious, breathable sheets helped me stop stressing out about wanking – but the fear of peeing while relaxing my pelvic floor muscles to put a dilator inside me didn’t go away.
So obviously I had to deliberately pee while lying on the sheets, to make sure I trusted them to keep everything dry if I peed accidentally while using my vaginal dilators.
Regular readers of my blog will know that I’m very into piss play – be that pee holding for squirmy humiliation feels or being pissed on as a way to say ‘I love you’. I’ve peed through knickers and leggings and on my enboifriend’s face, but it still felt weird to purposely pee while squatting over my own bed. But it means I can confirm that the SoSF sheets are very, very fluid proof. However, it’s worth noting that it’s technically fluid resistance: pee on your sheets doesn’t magically disappear or get absorbed, it sits there in a puddle giving you new kinks (or it does if you’re me, anyway).
What I’m saying is that you still have to deal with the fluids that ends up on your sheets during messy sex. If it’s just excess lube, come, or the mess from anal play, you can totally just scrunch up the sheets and shove them in the washing machine – having made sure you’ve removed all vibrators and butt plugs first, of course. If you’ve been kinking-out with a piss play or sploshing scene, you might need to drain the fluid before you can pop it in the washing machine or leave it to dry.
Relaxing during sex
I don’t think there’s anything radical in stating that sex should be fun, not stressful. As well as helping facilitate all sorts of glorious, messy sex, my SoSF sheets have helped me relax by allowing me to both mark the difference between everyday wanking and pelvic-floor-focused masturbation AND make as much mess as I want with lube. It makes cleaning up easier, and if I do pee while trying to put things in my cunt it won’t matter.
While the SoSF fluid proof sheets aren’t in everyone’s price range, I absolutely love mine. They’re great for kinky fucking, though not always for cuddly aftercare – however, the extra effort required to roll off the bed after an orgasm and strip away the sticky, lube-covered fluid proof sheet before collapsing back into bed for spooning is totally worth it. I can see that the fluid proof throw might be more flexible for some folks – I’m lazy and sometimes putting a sheet on is slightly more effort than I want. Again, though, it’s worth it.
I’m a long way off being able to put things in my cunt, but my attempts at penetration are getting easier. The Sheets of San Francisco fluid proof sheets have been a big part of that, and I’m definitely less scared of feeling like I need to pee.
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a queer, trans, disabled sex writer with vaginismus. He’s a slut and a sex nerd who writes about his adventures in trying to fuck without fucking up. Quinn can usually be found wearing stomp-on-the-patriarchy boots while falling in love every time he fucks.