Sex toys you can use as a couple are no different to sex toys you could use on your own, but it’s sometimes hard to switch things up in the bedroom. From new sensations to exploring kinks to having more orgasms, sex toys can bring a LOT to the table, and even if you have to sit down and talk to your partner about potentially feeling ‘replaced’ by your sparkly new dildo (they shouldn’t!), it’s totally worth it.
Introducing sex toys into your fucking adventures should be fun – in the same way that all sex should be fun! Here are some
hints clits and tips for starting to explore sex toy as a couple.
Go sex toy shopping together
It’s less anonymous than ordering a box of sex toys through from an online company, but it will help you be more comfortable with the idea of using sex toys. You can see and touch the toys before deciding what to purchase, and there’s no chance of picking out what you think is a beginner’s butt plug that turns out to be the size of your fist.
It will also let you ask questions to sales assistants if there are things you aren’t sure about, and also talk to your partner about things you want to try together. I’m a big fan of visiting my local sex toy shop with a partner and using it as a way to get inspired to share fantasies!
Lube, lube, lube!
I cannot overstate how important lube is. You know what’s super useful if you’re trying to put new and/or bigger sex toys inside you? Lube! Seriously, it’s the tits. You know what’s not technically a sex toy but can completely enhance your sex adventures? Lube!
There shouldn’t be any shame in using lube, even in sex when you’re not using sex toys. Lube removes pressure to get wet, and it’s essential for anal play, but it can also ‘level up’ a hand-job and make it feel more luxurious. Lube could be used for a sensual massage that can easily lead to enthusiastic fucking, or use a LOT of lube for a messy sploshing scene.
Know what’s going where
If this is your first time using sex toys, it’s worth doing some research before jumping in. A true confession: I had been sex blogging for almost six months before I realised that cock rings could sit at the base of one’s dick or enclose the cock and balls. When it comes to putting things up, in, and around your genitals, it’s definitely worth making sure you’re being safe.
Jelly dildos that can leach phthalates and cause internal irritation, and porous sex toys can hoard bacteria even if you’re thorough in your post-fuck clean-up. If it’s going in your butt, you need to make sure it has a flared base. If you’re going to be sharing a dildo – for example, for pegging and use during double penetration – please consider using a condom.
It’s not all going to be perfect
In the same way that you and your partner might not love every sex position or sex act, not all sex toys will work for you! You shouldn’t feel discouraged from using sex toys if not everything goes perfectly to plan – or feel pressure to keep using them if you don’t like them. Be honest with your partner!
You might need to warm up before using that awesome fox-tail butt plug – or you might only be able to wear it for two minutes before it gets uncomfortable. You might have picked out a sleek vibrator so you can have orgasms during penis-in-vagina sex, but it might not actually help you get off because you need precise A-spot stimulation to come.
What are your
hints clits and tips for approaching sex toys as a couple?
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a queer, trans, disabled sex blogger. He’s a sex nerd with vaginismus who writes about his adventures in learning to fuck without fucking up. Quinn can usually be found wearing stomp-on-the-patriarchy boots while falling in love every time he fucks. For his less explicit content on trans inclusivity, check out whatsinyourpants.co.