Social distancing and self-isolation has everyone talking about masturbation, whether they’re too stressed to have sex or are eagerly embracing wanking from home. For me, social distancing has come hot on the heels of a period frustratingly low libido. As I haven’t been coming much in the last month, I’m now actively trying to mix up my masturbation habits.
Content note for mental illness. This blog post also includes affiliate links.
I had my first solo orgasm while reviewing a sex toy, which means I know the position I was jerking off in. My favourite wanking position is on my stomach, my face buried in a pillow while my hand rubs my clit furiously or holds a rumbling sex toy against my cunt. I couldn’t get off in that position with the bullet vibe I was using, but I could if I lay on my back with my legs spread and feet flexing as I came.
While I suspect I favour the on-my-stomach masturbation position because it’s low effort, nowadays I find it difficult to come in any other position. And though I do get off in different positions when I’m having partnered sex, why should I change up my wanking habits when I have a routine where I can orgasm every time?
Except I haven’t been getting off much recently. My dear Doxy died before Christmas, and my mental illness hit rock bottom in the first few months of 2020. Usually I use orgasms to help deal with my depression, but after so many months of getting off in the same way – same position, same sex toy, same filthy blog posts and fantasies – I couldn’t work out how to make myself come.
Even more confusingly to my slutty self, I didn’t want to come.
So now we’re all under lockdown, I’ve challenged myself to reconnect with my body. Wanking from home has become a serious business, because right now I really need those self-care orgasms to help me through self-isolation.
How am I doing that? Well, first I’m setting aside dedicated wanking time every day – and not just the five minutes before I fall asleep at night. I’m blocking out a full thirty minutes in my calendar each day, which is helping even if I’m not actually touching my junk for the whole half hour.
I start by reading something sexy or flirting with a friend, and working up to the point where I’m worked up and actually want to wank. I’m not forcing myself to masturbate, but especially in the first few days I wasn’t horny before I started touching myself. I coaxed my body into clinical arousal and keep jerking off until I came, whether or not I was in the mood for it.
My first scheduled masturbation session showed me that I’ve been getting off to the same three pieces of sexy media since the start of the year. They’re clearly effective, but they’re also mindless. I want to think new sexy things and actually engage with my body, I closed my laptop and closed my eyes, and tried to think of something that I hadn’t already fantasised about a thousand times.
It was hard, but not as hard as my dick was when I came twenty minutes later. The orgasm left me shaking and breathless.
My search for new things to jerk off over is helped by the fact that other folks are working (and wanking) from home, which means there’s an influx of filthy thoughts and photos on Twitter. I’ve had play partners send me videos of their deliciously hard dicks, and lots of my favourite sex writers are still writing smut.
I’ve also been trying to experiment more with my wank fodder. I’m jerking off with my eyes closed, focussing on nothing but the fantasy that’s making me hot. I’ve dug out erotica collections so I can read a physical book while wanking, and I’ve even watched visual porn I bought over a year ago and forgot about. I’m also considering treating myself to a subscription to Crash Pad Series, because I feel like more queer, ethical porn in my life can only help right now.
Of course, the main ingredient of my wanking adventures is lube. Even a small squirt of lube makes a masturbation session more luxurious and focussed. I don’t bother with lube for a five minute functional wank, but I will if I’m dedicating time to just jerking off. I don’t have to worry about getting wet, and can just concentrate on touching myself in ways that feel good.
And to bring us full circle, I’m no longer letting myself masturbate on my stomach. I’m switching things up by wanking on my back, on all fours, on my side, in the shower, on the sofa, and in the bath… any position that doesn’t have my face pressed into a pillow. I want to stop disconnecting just so I can get off, and instead focus on reconnecting with my body.
I want to find sex fun again, and wank by wank I am.
The more I masturbate, the more I want to sext and wank and suck off dildos. It’s a vicious horny cycle, and I’m hoping it will get me through to my first post-pandemic fuck.
Want to stock up on supplies for all the wanking at home you’re planning AND support an independent, inclusive sex shop? The Pleasure Garden is still open and shipping you sex toys, and today I’m going to recommend a Rocks Off bullet vibe and the Tenga Air Tech masturbator. Remember, right now staying in and jerking off is literally saving the world.
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a freelance journalist, sex writer, and professional transsexual. His work focuses on dismantling shame and queering sex.