Hey y’all, I’m here today to let you into a secret: there’s no such thing as male genitals. Or at least, there’s no single definition for male genitals. Folks with penises do not have male genitalia by default. Folks with vulvas do not necessarily have female genitals. And a genderqueer person with tits might describe their genitals as a clit or a dick, and sometimes change how they refer to their junk mid-sentence.
Content note for transphobia and cisnormativity.
This is an edit of the photo I posted last week for Lingerie Is For Everyone, but I think this version might be more striking. Look at my wrist, for example: can you see the tension in my tendons as I jerk off my dick?
My dick, which may be a strap-on but is still my dick. My dick, which I may not be able to feel but will still wank off, feeling powerful and gender-affirmed and really, really horny. My dick, which yes, I’m luring you in with a beautiful photo of so I can talk about cisnormativity.
I’m so fucking tired of cisnormativity.
A quick gender 101 for y’all: trans folk exist; there are more than two genders; and people with all sorts of genitals can use all sorts of pronouns, and you need to respect their pronouns regardless of what’s in their pants. This shouldn’t be a difficult concept to get your head around.
We live in a cisnormative, highly binary world. We’re taught that boys like blue and have penises, and that girls like pink and also have some sort of genitals “down there”, but we should be deeply ashamed of out “lady gardens”. The idea that all men have dicks is as bullshit as the idea children’s colour preferences are determined by their assigned gender at birth. If you can grasp the idea that women and afab folks shouldn’t be ashamed to say ‘vagina!‘, you should be able to grasp that some people with vaginas aren’t women.
There should be nothing confusing about a person with a dick using she/her pronouns. There should be nothing confusing about a person with a vagina using he/him pronouns. There should be nothing confusing about trans people, full stop. If you’re confused by a transmasc person who calls whatever is in their boxers a dick – no matter whether a doctor looked at their genitalia when they were a baby and ticked ‘M’ or ‘F’ – then you need to educate yourself.
Women can have dicks, or they might have clits that might look like to you like a dick, and you need to stop making assumptions about what people call their genitals. You might know how I describe my junk, but that’s because I’m a horny slut who writes about hir sex life and baby trans feels on a sex blog. Unless you’re about to have sex, there’s really no need for you to know what’s in someone else’s pants.
There’s also no need for you to continue telling people that dicks are “male” or clits are “female”, because they can be both and they can be neither. To imply otherwise is deeply cisnormative. And assuming that someone who uses she/her pronouns but has a dick must have “male genitalia”? That’s transphobic. If someone’s using she/her pronouns, I think it’s a pretty safe bet that they’re not describing their junk as “male” anything.
Trans people fucking exist. My evidence for this is simple: a trans person has written these words that you are reading now. Trans people are erased and hurt by cisnormativity, because it tells us that we are flukes and flaws in an otherwise perfect system. A cis-tem, if you will. But guess what? Gender is made up, and genitals are just genitals.
Cis folks, you need to do better. No, acknowledging your privilege isn’t going to be fun, but you still have to do it. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, because you know what? I feel uncomfortable when you tell me that because I have three holes between my legs – specifically my urethra, vagina and anus – that I must be a woman. I feel uncomfortable every time you imply that everyone with those holes between their legs, as determined by a doctor when they were born – must be a woman.
It’s as insulting as telling women that they have to like pink and hate sex.
Now I’m going to go and jerk off my dick – not the big, thick, galaxy one; the one that looks like a clit. It may look like a clit, but I don’t have “female genitals” – I have a genderqueer junk.
Today I’m plugging the Gender Reveal trans survival fund, which is run by Molly Woodstock – so far they’ve sent over $50,000 to trans folks who are struggling. Trans folks in need of immediate financial assistance can apply here. If you’re in a position of privilege and can help out, please consider donating money via PayPal.
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a queer, trans, disabled sex writer with vaginismus. He’s a slut and a sex nerd who writes about his adventures in trying to fuck without fucking up. Quinn can usually be found wearing stomp-on-the-patriarchy boots while falling in love every time he fucks.