April 2020 went ridiculously fast, but I managed to sit still for long enough to read at least some sex positive shit. April 2020 is also a month where a bunch of sex bloggers got called out on their cissexist shit, but there was SO MUCH amazing writing published too – meaning that this month’s Share Our Shit Saturday post is longer usual because there is so much I want to shout out.
You know how this works by now: titles are links and you should go and read all of these posts.
Mx Nillin – The Discrimination Problem with Rebel’s Notes’ Smut Marathon
As Nillin says at the start of this post, it isn’t a nice one. In it, they bravely call out the transphobia and queerphobia in the sex blogging community, naming those who have misgendered non-binary bloggers, mocked trans writers, and refused to listen to us when we’ve been polite. For me, this post signifies a turning point: I am no longer going to sit quietly and be complicit in my own dehumanisation by people who claim to be both sex-positive and feminist. Their actions have shown them to be neither.
“It’s just not going to work if people keep looking the other way and staying quiet about the effects that racist, sexist, queerphobic, or transphobic rhetoric have on our most vulnerable peers and friends.”
Queer and Confused – Scared, Angry, Tired
I love Quenby’s Trans Joy series, which celebrate the positive side of trans experiences. They took a break this week to share this piece instead, and I’m so glad they did because they’ve put into words something I was feeling but never could have written. It’s really important, and explains a little of why I’m so angry right now.
“I am scared, I am angry, and I am tired. I started Trans Joy because I didn’t want those things to define my experience as a trans person. But neither will I deny that this is part of my life.”
The Other Livvy – Motherhood, Year 1.5: Libido Lockdown…
I love Livvy’s writing and I always learn so much from her posts – especially the ones talking about sex during both pregnancy and motherhood. Her post is vulnerable and honest and talks about her lack of libido after giving birth. I know April hasn’t been easy for her, but I hope she managed to have a few of the libido kick-starting orgasms she was planning.
“My body is functional, not pleasurable, and this is a source of personal strength – my body made a baby; it can do anything! – but my sexual side has got lost in this transformation.”
Happy Come Lucky – Trans, Love, Fear, Celebration and Parenting
This is another really important post and – full disclosure – reading it made me cry. I’m so happy that there are an ever-increasing number of parents who are sex-positive and accept and love their queer and trans children. Honey has written about the fears of being the parent of a grown-up enby, and how she has worked to be a very supportive parent.
“The message that I want to get across is that to be an ally, you need to do more than just letting people exist. You need to be active and pro-active in your allyship whilst keeping the needs, experiences, autonomy and voice of the trans person or people at the heart of it.”
Amy Norton for Godemiche – Sex, Lies and Social Distancing
Amy combines vulnerability with helpful suggestions for ways to communicate and connect with your partner during lockdown in this post. Again, I think it’s really important for us to talk about how we feel when we don’t want sex as well as when we’re incredibly horny – because both are normal and both are reasonable reactions to a global pandemic.
“Don’t put pressure on yourself to be a particular level of sexual or not sexual right now. Acknowledge where you’re at, and listen to that. Your body is wise and knows what you need.”
Jayne Renault for Bellesa – Just Keep Going
We definitely need more women advocating for their pleasure in erotica – which is still frequently focussed on the male orgasm – and the protagonist of Jayne’s really hot story does that unashamedly. I cheered when she kicked the too-tired-to-get-her-off Garett out of her flat, as well as wanking over several other parts of the story.
“You see, Reader, Garrett made the fatal error: you can’t have the wild animal and expect her to roll over like a house cat when you’ve decided that you’re done petting her. You pet the kitty until the kitty is done with you.”
Lessons in Kate – The Lodger
I genuinely squeal with delight whenever Kate posts new erotica, because her style is dirty in a way that works perfectly for me. She’s a fucking genius with words, and this story is filled with little details that make it feel so very real as well as being so incredibly hot. She also captured the spirit of I-know-we-shouldn’t-but-I-can’t-not fucking so beautifully.
“Old enough, though. Old enough. Painted nails, plucked eyebrows, high heels and this threadbare t shirt that only covers my cooch til I stretch upwards “good morning!” and he looks and looks and a look is all it takes.”
Exhibit A – The Lodger
You know when you read something so filthy that it makes you want to put things in your cunt, even though you have vaginismus? It doesn’t happen for me often, but reading this post had me (considering) reaching for my dilators. EA’s post is a rewriting of Kate’s and it’s just as incredibly hot. I really hope they’ll collaborate more in the future.
“It’s not that I feel guilty – more that I don’t yet want to acknowledge that this is the start of something, rather than a gloriously sordid one-off.”
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a freelance journalist, sex writer, and professional transsexual. His work focuses on dismantling shame and queering sex.
