At the end of March, my wanking from home was focussed on helping me find sex fun again and reconnect with my body. I’m no longer doing scheduled masturbation session, but I am definitely getting off more than I was at the start of 2020. However, while I’ve put time and effort into cultivating and nurturing my sex drive, I still tend towards low-effort wanking positions. We’re now in May and still in lockdown, so I challenged myself to do a sex- periment and put some more effort into my masturbation.
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To be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with low-effort masturbation. I love easy wanking when I press a vibrator against junk until I come, but solo sex is the only kind of fucking I have access to right now. I know that changing things up will help me stay engaged with my own desire, so I’m using Masturbation Month as an excuse to do that.
I rarely get completely naked when I jerk off. Unless I’ve planned a masturbation session, my patience extends only to taking off as many clothes as strictly necessary to get my hand down my pants. Even when I do schedule in my wanking, I normally still leave my underwear on. My discomfort with taking my knickers off for sex extends to masturbation, and besides that, being naked is cold. All of this means that getting completely naked for a wank feels luxurious: I’m dedicating time to making myself feel good rather than jerking off because I’ve just read a tweet that made me hard. When I’m naked I’m aware of every movement my body makes as it tenses and twitches in pleasure, and it’s wonderful to stretch out and revel in how touching myself feels.
Sitting up with a butt plug in my ass
Do y’all know that sitting down when you’re wearing a butt plug feels completely different to when you’re on your back or all fours? I tried sitting down while plugged for the first time in January, and I can’t believe how good it felt. I feel full and squirmy and a little bit used in a way I really enjoy, and it’s by far my favourite position for anal play. It’s hot in a way that makes me want to jerk off – I’m very conscious of my body when there’s something in my butt, and it emphasises how good it feels when I touch my junk. I haven’t managed to come while in this position yet but I definitely need to set more time aside to explore it, especially on days when I’m feeling submissive.
I know how good lube makes wanking feel, so why don’t I reach for it more often when I’m jerking off? Ah yes, because when I have a buzzy sex toy jammed against my junk in just the right way, it feels like a lot of effort to stop my masturbation for the three seconds it would take to grab some lube. Lube removes the anxiety that my body “won’t work” and stops me worrying about why I’m not turned on, but it also just enhances my pleasure. Everything is so slippery and sometimes I need to work harder to come – but in a way that makes the orgasm feel so satisfying. Oh, and using lube also means that I can pretend that I have someone’s cum dripping out of my cunt after I’ve wanked, which is just ridiculously hot.
Standing up in the shower
Talking of lube, the lack of natural lubrication is probably why I’ve never had an orgasm in the shower. I have had some fabulous shower sex and love the intimacy of showering with a partner, but my own fingers always feel too clumsy and try when I try to touch my junk. Showers can help me find the headspace to wank: I’ll put on audio porn and let the hot water run down my body, washing away my stress and encouraging me to think about sex. I suppose that cupping my cunt and letting my fingers trail over my breasts is masturbation too, but for me it often feels like a hot shower is only a prelude to me lying down for my second orgasm of the morning. (The first one happens before I’m fully awake, when my eyes are heavy with sleep and my body is yearning to be fucked.)
Only using my fingers
I know why I don’t do this as often: I can’t get myself off with just my fingers. Orgasms aren’t the goal of sex, though, even solo sex, and I know I’m guilty of racing towards the finish line and missing how good just touching myself feels. Without a toy I know I can’t come, so it forces me to pay attention to how wanking actually feels. I notice how the tension builds throughout my body. I pay attention to how heat pools at the base of my spine when I get really worked up. I am present in the moment, and not chasing an orgasm or planning what the next thing on my to do list I should work on after I get off. I need to explore this more as a trans person, and think about on how it feels to jerk off like I’m touching a dick as opposed to a clit.
While having phone sex
The point of wanking shouldn’t be getting off, but orgasms are fun and there’s one I had recently that even the memory of turns me on. My enboifriend and I were having phone sex, and even though we’d barely been dirty talking for two minutes I was extremely horny. I told NBae that I wanted to keep playing but was super turned on and needed to get myself off now – I wonder if they could hear the desperation in my voice as I asked if we could take a minute to focus on my orgasm. I laid on my stomach on the sofa with my hand down my boxers – my usual wanking position, but I don’t usually have their voice in my ear, whispering all sorts of depraved and filthy things. I felt my orgasm building quickly but I didn’t come quickly: it was drawn-out orgasm and my whole body shook as it rolled through me. I was came so hard, and kept coming for at least thirty seconds.
Which proves, I think, that I should probably put more effort into my masturbation. Damnit.
Usually this is where I’d ask you to buy me a coffee if you liked my filth. Instead, I’m going to ask you to BUY LUBE. Using lube is absolutely worth the effort, because it’s hot makes your masturbation feel so indulgent. Remember, right now staying in and jerking off is literally saving the world.
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a queer, trans, disabled sex writer with vaginismus. He’s a slut and a sex nerd who writes about his adventures in trying to fuck without fucking up. Quinn can usually be found wearing stomp-on-the-patriarchy boots while falling in love every time he fucks.