Sharing sex-positive shit: June 2020

A laptop, coffee cup, orange notebook and white headphones sit on a desk next to the text 'blogger positivity: June's shit'. Photo.

It’s apparently July, meaning that we’re more than halfway through 2020 and I owe y’all a round up of some of my favourite sex positive shit from June. Full confession: not 100% of these posts were written in June 2020, but it IS all sex positive shit that I read this month and that it’s all content that really spoke to me.

Y’all know how this works by now: titles are links, and you should check out all of these sex content creators’ work. 

Formidable Femme – I Don’t Want You to Look at Me and See a Woman

I’m going to be honest: I could link to ANY of the posts Sarah (they/them) has written this month, because they’re all fucking amazing. This one was my favourite, though, because they explored something that I’ve been struggling with recently. I don’t want people to see me as a woman either, and I maaaaaybe cried while reading this post.

“What I didn’t expect—naively, perhaps—were people’s comments about how they still see me as a woman; that being femme and agender are incompatible. Such comments show a fundamental misunderstanding of the differences between gender expression and gender identity, sure, but they also show a fundamental misunderstanding of me.”

Mx Nillin – Twink Boxer Briefs, Why Did I Forsake Thee!?

You know who else has been writing non-stop brilliant content this month? As well as running the One Rainbow Apart meme, Mx Nillin (they/them) has been writing SO MUCH. I’m shouting out this one because I have feelings about wearing clothes that match up with the gender you were assigned at birth – and about the word ‘twink’.

“In all honesty I got them almost exclusively because of the cute twink models on the front packaging with their smooth thighs and cute bulges. I had no expectations for my body or girl cock to look anything like them simply by wearing them, which I definitely didn’t, but you know what? They look and feel fucking fantastic!”

Wendy Philips (for Spectrum Boutique Journal) – The Problem with White Saviorism in The Sex Community

This one was a hard read – but also a totally necessary one as a hella privileged white person in the sex positive community. In this post, Wendy (she/her) of TheWenchWorks tells white people that we need to be better. We do, and I know that I definitely need to get better at stepping back and making sure that I’m not speaking over or for BIPOC.

“Problematic behavior is bad, but when it’s addressed, accepted and redirected, being called out on problematic behavior can be the aha moment that leads to real learning. But when a PoC finally stands up and airs their grievances, no one wants to listen. Everyone wants to cry victim and say that we’re too sensitive.”

ihartericka – If you are ONLY saying the names of Black cis men then you’re NOT paying attention

I’ve learned since following Ericka Hart (she/they) on Instagram, but I think this was my favourite Insta posts of hers in June because they explored the intersection between Blackness and transness. Black trans lives matter, but just saying that on Twitter isn’t enough – you also need to make sure that these 20 things aren’t happening in your world.

“1. Asking, “so when did you know you were trans?”
2. Using someone’s dead name
3. Not using people’s pronouns (with or without intent)
4. Not asking EVERYONE for pronouns.”

Queer Courtesan – Identity is Complicated

This is post about gender that left me feeling very seen, especially around my imposter syndrome about being trans. I love how Calliope (they/them) says that they’re queer in regards to sexuality and gender, which I definitely relate to. I also agree that part of being queer is honesty and authenticity – there’s just so much good shit in this post!

“Gender became a thing to try on, an energy to project to others, a space to play in. I wondered if I had just internalized misogyny to the point that I was rejecting the idea of womanhood. That maybe my experiences as an AFAB person had just traumatized me enough that I no longer wanted to be seen as a woman.”

The Other Livvy – Can I touch you like that? – Communication in a pandemic

I love everything Livvy (she/her) writes, and it’s no surprise that her blog post about communication our boundaries during a pandemic is spectacular. I could seriously just quote all of this post at you, because it’s just all brilliant and I really hope that we normalise disclosing when your last COVID test AND your last STI test was.

“We’re going to have to think about whether we want to hug or touch our friends, lovers and relatives, and we’re going to have to stick to those boundaries. We’re going to have to talk to partners about who else they’re seeing and what precautions they’re taking, and we’re going to have to trust their answers.”

Carly S. (for Spectrum Boutique Journal) – Queervertibles

In this post, Carly S. (she/her) of Dildo or Dildon’t beautifully articulated some shit that I’ve been thinking about a lot recently. I totally agree with her that queer sex tends is often creative than sex between straight folks; that sex toys don’t have a gender, they have a purpose; and that the queerest thing that you can buy is lube.

“As queer people in particular, we have a deeper socialization to overcome, one that tells us that most of us don’t matter. […] We are constantly being told that our health, our votes, our work, our safety, our families, our lives don’t matter—not as much as those of cis white men.”

Luna Matatas – Sexual Freedom Is Intrinsically Linked To Social Justice

I will admit that I wasn’t following Luna Matatas (she/her) until a few days ago, but I absolutely am now! I found this post fascinating, and it reminded me that as progressive and sex positive a world as I spend most of my time in, BIPOC folks do not have those same privileges and that we will not have true sexual freedom until they do.

“‘Open to everyone’ usually doesn’t mean ‘everyone is safe’.”

“It’s unsurprising because I have long experienced and witnessed racism and other forms of systemic oppression in sex positive communities claiming to be inclusive, diverse and champions of sexual freedom.”

Exhibit A – On my sexuality (part 4)

I’m not going to lie, there are personal, gender-affirming reasons why I loved this blog post – but it’s also just great to see more privileged white cis men who could pass as straight coming out as bisexual. I’m also just glad that EA (he/him) is writing more in general, because his writing always makes me think differently and deeply about sex.

“For all my doubts and misgivings when it comes to how I should use my voice, the fact remains that if someone in my position can’t hold up his hand and say “no, actually, I’m not straight”, is it any surprise that 88% of all the other bi men out there don’t feel comfortable doing so either.”

The Smutlancer – How to Be Trans Inclusive: A Conversation with Quinn Rhodes

My Share Our Shit Saturday posts always end with a Smutlancer Spotlight, where I highlight something that has helped inspire me to keep creating content about sex. Like last month I’m once again promoting my own shit, because this month I guested on The Smutlancer podcast in an episode all about trans inclusivity. It’s my first ever podcast appearance and I had so much fun and said some (relatively) clever shit, so y’all should go listen.

“You don’t want to make [your apology about messing up a trans person’s pronouns] about you.”

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