For the second week in a row, today’s blog content is inspired by Hannah Witton – specifically this video of hers about mid year goal setting. For those of you here for the filth, I feel like I should apologise that instead y’all are getting a very meta post about sex blogging – but then again, along with my mid-year sex blogging goals I want to share with you my word for the rest of 2020, which is unapologetic.
Content note suicidal ideation and depression, because I can’t talk about my life without talking about mental illness.
In the order I initially wrote them down, here are the twelve sex blogging goals I have set myself for the last six months of 2020, and an explanation of why the word linking all of them together is unapologetic.
Go to at least one dance class
Ok, so maybe they’re not all sex blogging goals, exactly. I can’t plan for the productive sex blogging without being aware of burnout as well, so while this goal is more personal development-y than career focused it all ties into the same thing. (I.e. taking care of myself so I can continue to produce amazing fuck positive content.) I used to dance a lot when I was younger and it’s something I love but haven’t prioritised over the last few years. By the end of 2020 I want to have gone to at least one in-person dance class – I really, really hope that that will be possible! – so I can get sweaty and make a fool of myself while having fun. Oh, and so I can remember that sex isn’t the only thing I can do with my body.
Post more strategically
This goal started as ‘post less’ but that didn’t exactly capture what I was trying to say. Since taking part in Jumpstart January I tried to blog at least four times a week, which was not sustainable – especially now I’ve started a whole new blog. (Why did I do that? Could I not have just put that content here!?) For the rest of 2020, my aim is to publish three posts a week across both blogs. I’m not going to beat myself up if I don’t get there, and I’m also going to give myself space for a week when I have so much to say that I need to post more frequently. Writing helps me work through emotions, and sometimes sharing those words with y’all is part of that process. So I’m going to post more strategically – and while practicing more self-forgiveness.
Send 69 pitches
Following ‘post less’ this goal was originally ‘pitch more’, but I decided to make it into more of a SMART goal by making it more specific and more measurable. I want to pitch more because I want to get my voice out there – I believe I have things to say that need to be heard, and writing for more publications help with that egotistical aim. Why sixty-nine? Well, I’m a sex blogger and I felt that fifty pitches in six was too small a target, while a hundred was too ambitious. For a pitch to count towards my goal, it just has to be a new pitch email – it can be an idea I’ve already pitched to other publications, or a publication that I’ve pitched to a thousand times before but have never heard back from.
Record and release two podcast episodes
Yep, I’m planning to start a podcast. After guesting on an episode of The Smutlancer podcast about being trans inclusive, I finally admitted to myself that I now have a direction in which I can direct all my ‘I want to start a podcast!’ feels. I know a little bit about sound editing (between university classes and making audio porn) and I definitely have a lot to say, but I’m going to aim for sharing just two podcast episodes with y’all by the end of 2020. I don’t want to overwhelm myself or take too much on, so I’m ignoring the part of me that is saying ‘you should try and make a new episode every week! right now. Oh, and part of this goal is also to make sure I only start this podcast, and not the other one I want to make. I’m not allowed to start working on that one until 2021.
Reveal my new blog artwork
On the day when the story broke that the UK government plans to scrap plans to reform the GRA, and thus being trans was especially exhausting, I made myself feel slightly better by spending money. Specifically – because I feel this is slightly more justifiable than mindless consumerism – by investing money in myself and my blog, and commissioning some new artwork for my site. It’s partly a promise to myself, that I’m sticking around and going to keep writing, which is something I’ve been struggling with a lot lately. I’m super excited to share it with y’all when it’s finished – and I wanted at least one goal on this list that I absolutely know I’ll be able to tick off before the end of 2020.
Continue my personal daily photo project
My depression has been kicking my ass recently, so I wanted to do something that reminds me how powerful I am. Obviously the ideal thing is a silly photo project, where I take a photo of myself every day. It’s a super simple idea, and while I won’t be sharing the photos here (because they include my face and far too many clothes for y’all to be interested in!) I’m excited about it. It’s a goal that symbolises that I want to spend more time doing self-care things that only serve ME, even if that feel selfish. I’m also stating here that I will forgive myself if I miss a day or two here and there, but I do need to put all the photos I’ve taken so far into a folder so I can find them easily.
Read another 10 books
So far in 2020 I’ve read ten whole ass books. I used to read a lot when I was younger, and I’ve really missed it over the last few years. I blame my mental illness for the biggest thing that’s stopped me from just sitting down with a book, and I’m really proud that I’ve already read ten books this year. I think ten more is a completely achievable goal, and twenty books is more than I’ll have read in years which is kind of awesome. For a book to count for this, it has to be a book that I’m reading for the first time. Part of the reason that I’m setting this goal is so I can make sure that I’m consuming new ideas and challenging the ways I think, and re-reads don’t do that nearly as much. Audio books do count, of course.
Write down my ideas as soon as I have them
This one is the opposite of a SMART goal, but it’s something that I think will massively decrease my stress and increase my inspiration to write. I have so many ideas, but – like for most folks – they don’t come to me when I’m sitting in front of my laptop and staring at a blank screen. They come to me when I’m dancing around the kitchen at 2am or when I’m walking along the street trying to juggle a hot chocolate and get my earphones to stay in so I can listen to the new episode of The Guilty Feminist. I need to start writing them down when I have them, so I’m not left half an hour later trying to remember that really clever idea that I was super passionate about. I’ve downloaded a notes app on to my sex blogging phone to help with this.
Leave my phones on my desk at night
This one started out as the un-SMART goal of ‘use Twitter less’ but on deeper reflection, Twitter isn’t always the problem. The problem is the days when I reach for my phone before I get out of bed – which is easy because 95% of the time my phone is in bed with me – and scroll through social media while I try to summon the energy to actually get up. This (weirdly) isn’t always great for my mental health. My plan is to leave both my “vanilla” and my sex blogging phones on my desk when I go to bed, and to try and build a habit where I don’t look at them or open my laptop until I’ve at least had a glass of water and my meds in the morning. I don’t need to do this every night to achieve this goal, I just need to do it more than I am now (which is not at all).
Use my planner every day
I own a bright yellow Circle Planner planner, and I love it so much. It’s the most beautiful planner I’ve ever seen and it has space for me to scribble down ideas and plan out the content I want to create every month, to stay on top of my Smutlancing deadlines and to set focuses and themes for each week. It also lets me keep track of habits I want to build, and to remind myself that good things sometimes happen. Instead of reaching for my phone in the morning, I’m trying to grab my planner instead and write down at least one good thing that happened the day before – even if it’s just ‘I got through this day and now it’s over’ once. And as well as all of that, using my planner just makes me feel calm and in control of my own life.
Make a confession about the direction I want this blog to go
I could pretend that this is another ‘I’m putting this on the list so I’ll definitely achieve at least SOME of my goals!’ goal, but it’s not. This one is a goal because if I don’t set it as a goal, I think I’ll be too anxious to tell y’all – and that will hold me back from writing some pieces that I’m really excited about. So by the end of 2020, I need to be honest with all of you (and myself!) about the direction I want this blog to go and the kind of content I want to keep creating here. Fuck, it still feels so scary to even think it so I’m not quite ready to share it yet, but this is me saying that I will find that courage in the next six months.
Publish blog posts without asking for permission
There are times when I need to pause before posting, like if I’ve written about my worst sex ever and I want to ask for the consent from the person I’m talking about. There are also times when I do not need to pause before posting, when I just need to publish the thing I’ve just written without waiting for permission. So often in the last couple of months I’ve asked other people to read my posts before I publish them, and I want to do that less. I want to be brave enough to trust my instincts and to know that not everything I write has to be perfect but that I am a good writer. This goal also means that I need to write the posts that inspire me, rather than the ones I think I “should” be writing because I get more clicks when I share photos of my tits.
This one rather nicely leads me on from my mid-year sex blogging goals to why my word for the rest of 2020 is unapologetic…
When I was trying to think up a word I wanted to channel throughout the rest of 2020, unapologetic immediately sprung to mind. Unapologetically queer and unapologetically trans. Unapologetic in my content and unapologetic about self-care. Unapologetic about dancing in the street as though it’s my own private stage, because it makes me feel so powerful that I can’t stop laughing.
I feel like I’m drawn to this word because I feel like I’ve spent far too much of the first six months of 2020 asking for permission . I’ve felt guilty about using my voice and I’ve felt guilty about taking up space, but I don’t have to. I’m still going to apologise when I make mistakes (and I am going to fuck up – we all fuck up) but I don’t have to apologise for daring to be myself. If that makes other people uncomfortable, that’s their problem – not mine.
I want to be unapologetic about setting boundaries and I want to be unapologetically presumptuous. I want to be unapologetic, because a mediocre straight white cis man twice my age with half my talent would be, so why can’t I? I am a mother-forking force of nature, and I’m not going to let anyone make me forget how powerful I am. I’m going to be unapologetic in approaching all of my mid-year sex blogging goals – and everything else I do in the rest of 2020.
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a queer, trans, disabled sex writer with vaginismus. He’s a slut and a sex nerd who writes about his adventures in trying to fuck without fucking up. Quinn can usually be found wearing stomp-on-the-patriarchy boots while falling in love every time he fucks.