Sharing sex-positive shit: July 2020

A laptop, coffee cup, orange notebook and white headphones sit on a desk next to the text 'blogger positivity: June's shit'. Photo.

Instead of panicking about the fact it’s August and it feels like this year is slipping through my fingers, I’m trying to instead celebrate the fact that I made it through the mental illness shit show and exhaustion of the last month. But before I can properly start the eighth (eighth!!) month of 2020, I have a few pieces of sex positive shit from July to share with y’all.

Y’all know how this works by now: titles are links, and you should check out all of these sex content creators’ work. 

Girl on the Net – Broke up with the man I love: can the We-Vibe Nova 2 help me forget?

As I tweeted after reading it, I’m not sure whether this post made me want to cry or wank. GOTN (she/her) brilliantly combines horn and heartbreak in this sex toy review where she asks whether a rabbit vibe can fuck away the pain of her break up. This post is beautiful and vulnerable and hot, and it really post really shows what an incredible writer GOTN is. Despite what she says, I don’t think We-Vibe could possibly be even a little bit disappointed with this review. 

“It is made of soft, silky, dark pink silicone and have I ever told you how pretty my ex’s eyes were?”

Sybil Vane (for Spectrum Boutique Journal) – Finding Pleasure in a World Set on Destroying You

After last month’s round-up I have been keeping my eye on the Spectrum Boutique journal, and I was rewarded with this brilliant article by Sybil Vane (she/her) on pleasure and existing solely for yourself. The idea that simply being yourself is a radical act is something I’ve been thinking about a lot over the last few months, and I absolutely inhaled her words. I’m totally going to try to follow her advice of “Dance, scream, lounge about, pray, write, paint, read, eat, orgasm, fuck, exist” more often.

“Sex is activism. Thriving is activism. Pleasure is activism. To have the audacity to own your sexual pleasure while society is so actively trying to control the narrative of how it should look. Fuck that.”

Betty Butch – Sex, Housing Instability, and Perseverance in Hard Times

I have to admit that this one was not an easy read (it starts with a content warnings for “frank discussion of poverty and poverty-related struggles, homelessness, and depression“) but it’s a really important one. I’m really glad that Betty Butch (they/she) wrote about this, because I have (shamefully) never thought about intersection of housing instability and having a sex life. Their post made me think about how the privacy to close my door to fuck isn’t something everyone has access to.

“Sometimes I wonder if – underneath the nobler reasons of wanting to educate and offer my point of view – I started this blog to monetize my sexual being and thus justify the time, effort, and joy I pour into my sex life.”

afrosexology_ – My pleasure will not be co-opted

I find that I’m spending more and more time on Instagram where I’m curating a feed that both reminds me to self-care and educates me. Afrosexology is run by Dalychia Saad (she/her) and Rafella Fiallo (she/her) and I learn so much from following their Instagram account. I have read and re-read this Instagram post about the expectation and internalisation under capitalism, white supremacy and patriarchy for women (especially Black women) to put their pleasure second and give up their power.

“The way I was socialized as a woman — as a Black woman — I was conditioned to think that sex was for my partner, that sex was something I did for someone else, that the pleasure I received from sex was from someone else.”
Cara Thereon – Peep Show

I don’t spend enough time on Cara Thereon’s (she/her) blog, which is a mistake because her writing is brilliant and her photos are incredible. She posted several photos of herself in a gorgeous red fishnet body suit over her birthday week, and she looks utterly incredible in every single one. This one is my favourite though, because she’s bent over so we can see her labia and it’s just beautiful. I didn’t say this on the day so I’m going to say it now: happy birthday Cara.

No quote from this one, because you just have to click on it. Seriously. 

Girly Juice – On Being a Chronically Ill Writer

Can I describe my depression as a chronic illness? This is a question that I’ve been thinking a lot this month, which is why I loved this post by Kate Sloan (she/her) so much. I found it super interesting to read about her strategies for dealing with chronic pain and I really relate to her body just telling her that she is done for the day and can’t do anything else. I’ve been there a lot this month, and I find it really hard to accept that sometimes I just need to rest.

“The same impulses still come up as before, the ones that pushed me toward creativity and stamina and long sore-eyed hours in front of the computer, but my body cannot enact my mind’s wishes on most days now and it makes me feel like a failure.”

I don't owe you masculinity to prove I'm not a woman
All the blogger positivity: eLust #132

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