I don’t owe you masculinity to prove I’m not a woman

An afab person pulls up the back of their black skirt to show their arse. Photo.

I’m not a woman, but I don’t owe you masculinity to prove that.

Gender identity and gender expression are two very different things. I am genderqueer and trans masculine but that doesn’t mean that I have to perform masculinity. Non-binary people are often told that we owe cis people androgyny to validate our gender identity, but it is not on me to express my gender in a way that makes the world comfortable.

I can wear a skirt and call my junk my dick. I can wear a suit with a fitted shirt that really shows off my tits. There is no way to “pass” as genderqueer, but I’ve still spent a lot of the last few months wondering how to work out to show the world that I’m not a woman. It’s only recently that I’ve realised that I shouldn’t have to: we need to normalise not assuming people’s gender identity based on what they look like or what they’re wearing.

I also realised that I don’t have anything to prove. Yes, it’s important to me that I flag to the world as queer and sex positive, but that shouldn’t stop me from performing the fluidity of my gender in the way I want to. It feels so powerful to accept that, to accept that I don’t owe the world a justification for my gender through the way I express myself. I don’t have to denounce femininity in order to for people to respect my pronouns.

I don’t owe you masculinity. I’m allowed to wear a skirt without anything at all underneath and that doesn’t make me a woman. It makes me sexy, and it shows that I have nothing to prove.

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Lingerie is for Everyone is run by the brilliant Violet Fawkes. Click on the logo to see what lingerie folks are wearing this week!

If you enjoyed this post, please consider buying me a coffee! Ok, yes, I’ll probably actually get a hot chocolate, but your support means I can keep getting naked on the internet.

Will you still love me if I'm not a horny slut?
Sharing sex-positive shit: July 2020


  1. You are absolutely right and also hot damn that is a truly great picture…. sexy as hell!


  2. This is something I keep having to remind myself of, because my body and general wardrobe is such that I don’t really have access to perceived femininity to express that part of my genderfluid identity.

    I also feel intimidated by past experiences into not expressing femininity outside of limited safe spaces, so it feels impossible to “prove” my identity – at the same time as feeling pressure to do so.

    So not owing it to prove I’m not a “man” is such an important thing, and also so hard to hold onto.

    Thank you for writing this!

  3. *raises fist in support* YES. I love that you have used this post as a LiFE post – it really captures the spirit of the project beautifully even though there’s no lingerie in sight. Keep on doing you, Quinn. It’s magic to see.

  4. Our world wants us to fit in their bubble with a label. it is difficult to be who we are truly but we must be true to our self and beliefs.
    New to your blog very interesting keep up the good work
    btw nice ass and sweet cheeks

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