It’s time to share the sex-positive shit that stood out to me in August 2020 – and I’m seriously worried that I’m not consuming enough content from enough different creators. Am I just shouting out the same sex blogs again and again? This is something I’m going to work on, I promise (if any of y’all have tips for this please let me know) but for now: here is some of my favourite sex-positive shit from the last month.
This is part of a series of posts that I started writing months ago but am finishing and posting in late October. I apologise for the confusing order in which content is appearing.
Velvet Divine – Open to Trans Girls?
Spoiler alert: I cried while reading this one. Making sure the person you’re flirting with knows you’re trans and is ok with that is something I’ve been struggling with myself. Velvet’s (fae/faer) words are powerful and emotive and made me feel a lot of feels. Faer exploration of faer masculine presentation really highlights why the phrase “women and non-binary people” is so deeply unhelpful. Also, “bio dildo” might be my new favourite expression.
“I continue to feel the need to question whether or not I am intruding upon a space that isn’t for me, or offering my company to someone who is merely tolerating it.”
The Other Livvy – Believe Me
I love this post so much – and not just because I’m quoted in it. I love it because I finally feel like someone has understood why I’ve been screaming about trans inclusion for the last eight months. Livvy (she/her) talks about how it’s not enough for cis people to say that they’re trans inclusive if they’re actions don’t support that. We all have shit to learn and we’re all going to fuck up, but the onus shouldn’t be on the marginalised group to fight the discrimination they face.
“It can only be possible to forget or disregard an entire category of people if you think of them as inconsequential, unexpected or unimportant.”
The Overthinker’s Guide To Sex – Talking about sex is actually really hard
In this newsletter, Franki Cookney (she/her) explores how “empowered” female sexuality accounts telling you that you need to talk about sex don’t actually help you talk about sex. Talking about sex is HARD – we’re not given any opportunities to talk about sex in our everyday lives, so we’re in no way prepared to do it when we’re naked and vulnerable.
“The message that “communication is really important” is something you will see in every sex advice column, in every sexual wellness article, on every sex positive influencer’s Instagram feed, but very rarely do we acknowledge how freaking difficult it is.”
Hedonish – Being “too emotional”
You know when you see a single sentence that makes your entire soul sing? It doesn’t happen much, but I saw this tweet by Rachael Rose (she/her) on a day when I’d spent hours telling myself that I was being “too sensitive” and had no right to be hurt at some cissexist language. The fact that her language is trans inclusive (I was socialised as a girl even though I’m not one) just makes it better.
“I hate that being socialized as a girl teaches you to invalidate your own feelings by making you wonder if you’re only feeling hurt or upset by something because you’re just “too emotional” or “too sensitive.”
Girly Juice – Phone Sex Every Day? Sure, Why Not
I read this on a day when I felt completely gross and disconnected to my body and it really fucking helped. Kate Sloan (she/her) explores why phone sex is sometimes easier – even when you’re quarantining with the person you’re fucking and that would be possible. The anxieties of in-person sex take energy that depressed/disabled/chronically ill folks often don’t have (and I definitely don’t) even though sex and intimacy might help.
“Maybe it’s a bad sign about my relationship with my body that non-corporeal forms of sex seem to appeal to me more, and rev my sexual engine more consistently, than types involving my actual fucking body – but honestly, the world is a mess right now.”
Molly’s Daily Kiss – Utterly delicious
Sometimes you just need a really good dick pic. (I should probably say more about how hot I found this photo, or how successfully Molly Moore (she/her) has captured the utter deliciousness of bringing a guy to orgasm, but I’m not going to. Seriously, just click through to the image – you will absolutely not regret it.)
“I am going to come if you carry on” he grumbles through gritted teeth. Our eyes meet and I smile and say “Are you? Come on then.”
pleasurecentredsexology – Performative based sex versus pleasure based sex
Kassandra Mourikis (she/her) compares performative- and pleasure-based sex – i.e. performative-based sex may include anxiety about not satisfying a partner while pleasure-based sex would end when any person wanted it to end. While I’d love to say that my sex is never performative, I’ve been thinking about obligation sex recently and this post forced me to examine some of my own habits.
“When sex is goal-orientated or when it closely adheres to a script or routine, it becomes a performance where you feel the need to act out your pre-defined role, tick boxes or meet certain criteria before you can label it as real sex.”
Coffee and Kink – Sex-Positive Spaces and Fragile Freedom
The pandemic has made it hard for my hedonistic self to head out on all the slutty adventures I’m craving, and in this post Amy Norton (she/her) completely captures why missing filthy sex isn’t frivolous. Sex-positive spaces aren’t just about the fucking, but about feeling safe and accepted; we’re not only missing out on slutty adventures but that sense of community.
“I miss the safety most of all. The freedom. The ability to be completely and wholly myself, unapologetic and raw and real.”
Mx Nillin – How Cisnormativity in Blogging is Alienating Your Trans Peers
In this month’s Smutlancer Spotlight is this (rightfully) angry post by Mx Nillin (they/them), because I really want as many cis sex bloggers to read it as possible. If our cis peers do not do the work of educating each other calling out transphobia, they have no right to tone police us when that work is left (again) to us. I’m still angry about this, and I’m not surprised that Nillin has decided to disengage from the sex blogging community.
“It still always falls on us to actually do or say anything when cissexism or transphobia rears its head… and every time we do we’re chastized, dismissed, ignored, invalidated, and more, for making our cis peers and allies uncomfortable by speaking up at all.”

Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a freelance journalist, sex writer, and professional transsexual. His work focuses on dismantling shame and queering sex.