Slut for kindness

A person with a vagina sits with his legs spread, touching his junk. He is wearing a t-shirt with the words 'slut for kindness' on it pulled up to show one tit. Photo.

“And the more I hold myself close and fully embrace who I am, the more I dream, the more my heart grows and the more I thrive.”
~ Elliot Page

To quote sex educator Eva Bloom, being a slut for kindness means “having the kind of sex you want to have, getting heart eyes/boners over kind people, and working to make the world a better and kinder place”. Earlier this year, Eva teamed up with Supriya of Simply Greetings to make these fabulous shirts, inspired by her workshop on compassionate casual sex.

Of course I had to have one, and of course I had to take nudes in it.

I love calling myself a slut – ever since I first used it to describe myself, it’s been a word and a weapon I use against my own internalised shame and the discomfort society has with someone like me owning my sexuality. But a year ago, I’d have bought this t-shirt just because it said ‘slut’ on it and I liked performing my queerness and my sex-positivity. I still do, but in sitting down to put this post together I’ve realised how much better I’ve got at the ‘kindness’ part too.

I’m notoriously bad at extending kindness to myself, but this year I’ve set boundaries about the sex I want to have. I’ve had hard conversations with partners. I’ve stopped myself from texting people who I was so desperate to fuck me that I’d ignore my own limits. I’ve examined the internalised misogyny that tells me that my desirability should define my self-worth. I’ve said no when I needed to and yes when I wanted to, and I’ve tried not to feel guilty when I didn’t want sex at all.

I’ve told a friend when they hurt me, rather than letting it slide because I’m attracted to them and I didn’t want to miss out on sucking their dick. I’ve stepped into my gender, even though being honest with myself about who I am has cost me sexting sessions with a straight cis guy I have a crush on. I’ve started to wonder what kind of sex I would want if I wasn’t worried about what the person I’m fucking expects me to want.

And I’ve spent twenty-four hours – the last twenty-four hours, in fact – overwhelmed by the realisation that I love myself, that at some point over the last year I have begun to undo some of the twisted knots of self-hatred that I carry within me. If that’s not being a slut for kindness, what is?

Sinful Sunday badge

When they go low, we monetise our pain
I send nudes so you don't see how needy I am

9 Comments

  1. Slut for kindness is fabulous idea. I’m so pleased this year you have found ways forward that have worked for you. That’s always impressive to put yourself first. Well done!
    Missy x
    Ps sexy as hell pic

  2. I love everything about this post. The words make me so happy for you and the image? So fucking hot

    Molly

  3. I’m so happy to read that you have found this new love. Nurture it. You are worth it in every way.

  4. This makes me so happy. It’s far easier to be kind to others whilst neglecting our own needs so you should be really proud you’ve reached a point you can recognise what you need to help yourself to find that happiness.


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