Have you ever had sex when you aren’t fully enthusiastic about fucking? I expect most of us have – it’s not that you mind having sex at that moment, but you’d probably rather listen to a podcast or go for a run or eat buttered hot cross buns in your pyjamas. I want to talk about sex that we absolutely consent to, but that we’re having more out of obligation and awkwardness than because we really want to fuck.
Valentine’s day is a Big Deal for sex writers and sex bloggers, but I traditionally celebrate a different significant day on 14th February. I know I still have a lot to learn – about myself and about sex – and I know half the things I want from sex and relationships right now will undoubtedly change, but I am proud of what I have learned about sex so far. So today I’m (consensually!) stealing an idea from my birthday twin, Kelvin Sparks, and sharing 21 things I learned about sex at 21.
I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a long time, but didn’t want to share it until I could be sure that someone reading could potentially take something from my worst sex ever. It’s also important to note that I’ve published this with the knowledge and consent of the person I’m writing about in this post.
“How would you feel about me making my relationship with my other partner Facebook official?” is quite a question. It falls under ‘questions life in a monogamous society doesn’t prepare you to answer’ if I’m honest. I’ll admit that as much as I have a fuck tonne of compersion for my enboifriend and their girlfriend – my metamour – I did have a small moment of jealousy.
In a society that defaults towards monogamy (to say nothing of heteronormativity), I’ve recently been struggling to find the right terminology to describe my ethical-slut dating style and my partners therein. I’m a word nerd, but the poly relationship words I need to talk about the folks I’m dating, fucking and crushing on just don’t exist. Today I’m sharing five non-existing words I’d totally have used in the last week. (more…)