A young Black woman lies on bare sheets, clutching a pillow to her chest. Photo.

I’ve written about this before. It feels like this is all I write about right now – that I cannot create anything of worth to anyone else and I just keep spilling out self-indulgent essays on how I can’t stop thinking about suicide. In reality it isn’t, it’s the fucked up fog of lockdown and depression that twists time until I’m convinced that I only just wrote about this. And even if it wasn’t, I’m still allowed to write about it. It’s my blog, even if being a suicidal sex writer feels very off brand.Read More →

Young Asian woman lying on her bed staring blankly at the ceiling with earphones in. Photo.

Useless. Lazy. Pathetic. I’m very ill right now and we’re in the middle of a global pandemic, but that doesn’t stop me feeling guilty about everything I’m not doing. I’m burned out and exhausted, but the more time I spend trying to just take care of myself the further behind I get on everything else. This isn’t healthy, I know that logically, but logic doesn’t help right now. (Strap in for a super self-indulgent post, y’all, with a content warning for self harm, mental illness, and poor hygiene habits.)Read More →

A plus size afab person relaxing and looking sexy in their black underwear. Photo.

In just one week I will see my enboifriend for the first time in six months. We have assessed the risks of travelling to see each other during a global pandemic and decided that after spending half of our whole relationship apart, we’re going to be together on our anniversary. I’m super excited to see them, but I’m not without some anxiety. Mostly because my depression means that my sex drive is low right now, and I’m worried that they might not love me if I’m not such a horny slut.Read More →

A woman lies back in a bubble-filled bath with her eyes closed and her hands washing her hair. Photo.

An inability to relax has characterised much of my fucking over the last few months – maybe longer. Sex, in my opinion, is incredibly important and something I take very serious… but it should also be fun and playful. I hate feeling stressed while fucking, but recently it feels like that’s all I’ve been feeling.Read More →

A photo of someone with short hair and a stripy sweater facing away from the camera and looking up at a concept board of ideas and plans pinned to the wall.

It’s Mental Health Awareness Week (and Mental Health Awareness Month I think?) so obviously I’ve been struggling with my own depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation this week. Mental illness impacts literally every element of my life, and I am still learning how to manage it and take care of myself. Perhaps the most surprising thing that helps is creating sex positive structure in my week. Content note for discussion of mental illness and anti-depressants.Read More →

Image of a girl in hiking gear, including boots and a backpack, sitting down in the rain.

Before I took a week off from writing to concentrate on some non-sex-blogging deadlines, I wrote about my depression – specifically by exploring my mental health through a slightly-strained metaphor. Having submitted my projects and survived that thunderstorm, I realised that I haven’t yet said everything I want to yet. This post talks about my depression and suicidal ideation, but the tone is less dark: today I’m thinking about April showers, not thunderstorms.Read More →