Am I a bad person if I feel ok after a break up? I asked myself that question again and again after I broke up with my enboifriend, not realising that actually I wasn’t ok at all. I’d been expecting to fall apart, to physically ache with the pain of missing them. I wasn’t expecting to feel numb, to feel nothing. I wasn’t expecting to feel relief.
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I’m dating someone. I’m in love in a way that I haven’t been before. It’s the kind of love in a way that makes me stronger, the kind of love that I wasn’t looking for when I unexpectedly stumbled into the arms of an incredibly attractive enby who actually likes me back. But in the less fun things that come with navigating my first romantic relationship, I also have to deal with the uncertainty: it’s not that I doubt that they love me – I know they do – but I do know they might not love me forever.
“How would you feel about me making my relationship with my other partner Facebook official?” is quite a question. It falls under ‘questions life in a monogamous society doesn’t prepare you to answer’ if I’m honest. I’ll admit that as much as I have a fuck tonne of compersion for my enboifriend and their girlfriend – my metamour – I did have a small moment of jealousy.
I’m writing this post while wrapped in a blanket and safe in a pillow fort, and really wishing that there was someone who would go out in the rain and get cookies for me. Yesterday was tough, and I’m spending today trying to take care of myself. As a result y’all get a post about my continued adventures into polyamory (ish?) and a bit of a discussion of my depression and my Daddy kink (content note!).
Once again I’m playing the game where I mess around with Molly Moore’s sex blogging memes, because I feel if I don’t write this post now then I might never. The current kink that we’re all dissecting is hands, because hands are ridiculously hot. And I am going to talk about hands, but more precisely why I want to hold your hand.