In just one week I will see my enboifriend for the first time in six months. We have assessed the risks of travelling to see each other during a global pandemic and decided that after spending half of our whole relationship apart, we’re going to be together on our anniversary. I’m super excited to see them, but I’m not without some anxiety. Mostly because my depression means that my sex drive is low right now, and I’m worried that they might not love me if I’m not such a horny slut.
Last week I wrote about how exhausting it is to be a trans person right now. I wrote about fear and anger and sadness and burn out and feeling numb. I’m really glad I wrote that post, but writing it – and some of the conversations that writing it sparked – reminded me that I can’t explain my gender in one word, or even in a simple sentence. My gender identity is changing all the time as I explore it, and I love that. (more…)
I love having my junk spanked. I never feel like a bad pain slut if I have to tap out after just a few smacks. Someone is applying pain directly to my genitals; that’s meant to hurt in an overwhelming way. Spreading your legs and holding yourself open so someone can spank your cunt is incredibly vulnerable – but not as vulnerable as asking them to call it your dick.
January was a long month, but the week when I wasn’t allowed to come before I went to see my enboifriend was perhaps the longest. I’m an orgasm hungry slut, but one who is really into orgasm control. Allowing them to deny me in the seven days leading up to see them is the closest I’ve come to playing with a 24/7 D/s dynamic: it was a week long orgasm denial scene and it was incredibly hot.
It sounds silly and utterly cliche to say that falling in love has taught me to love myself more, but it has. WhileI want to be a good person, a person worthy of dating them, they look at me as though I already am. Self-acceptance is something I have always struggled with, but I’m slowly beginning to rethink the ways I see myself. I’m learning a lot from my first relationship – including that being needy isn’t a bad thing.