Last week I wrote about how exhausting it is to be a trans person right now. I wrote about fear and anger and sadness and burn out and feeling numb. I’m really glad I wrote that post, but writing it – and some of the conversations that writing it sparked – reminded me that I can’t explain my gender in one word, or even in a simple sentence. My gender identity is changing all the time as I explore it, and I love that. (more…)
We talk about aftercare after kink scenes – like safe words, hard limits and safer sex practices, aftercare is fundamental part of our pre-scene elevator pitch. What I hear less people talk about is aftercare after sex, which I definitely need as well. Even if I’ve just given you a quick blow job, I need aftercare – specifically your assurances that I wasn’t terrible at sucking your dick.
Recently a friend tweeted that they couldn’t believe that people still say clichéd sexist things like ‘come on, smile’. I laughed. I know their point was to express amazement at seeing this blatant sexism play out in front of them, but their tweet made me remember that not everyone has to face this kind of misogyny every single day. I think that sometimes cis men can forget what it’s like to be a cis woman or a trans or non-binary person who is subject to misogyny – their privilege makes them oblivious to the everyday misogyny that is my reality.
Have you ever had sex when you aren’t fully enthusiastic about fucking? I expect most of us have – it’s not that you mind having sex at that moment, but you’d probably rather listen to a podcast or go for a run or eat buttered hot cross buns in your pyjamas. I want to talk about sex that we absolutely consent to, but that we’re having more out of obligation and awkwardness than because we really want to fuck.
We’re finally talking about mental health. Not as much as we need to be, sure, and politicians will tweet #TimeToTalk while cutting the funding to NHS mental health services, but we’re at least started the conversation. But even though now we all know that it’s #OkNotToBeOk, it’s still really fucking hard to actually admit that we’re not ok.