This is the question I kept asking myself. I miss my sex drive. In the past I’ve been told by friends that I have one of the highest sex drives of the people they know. I don’t recognised myself in that description anymore, and I wish I did. I want my sex drive back, but I’m not going to do something stupid to force it to kick back in. Something stupid like having casual sex to fuck my sex drive back to life.
No. The short answer is no, no I shouldn’t be embarrassed that I wet the bed last night. That didn’t stop the horrified shame that spread though me when I woke up to find that while I’d peed in my dream I’d pissed in real life as well. For the first time in almost two decades I’d wet myself.
The idea for this post arose during a Sex Ed Uncensored discussion – I’m getting a lot of content from Submissive Feminist’s weekly Twitter chat! We were talking about how you’d react to a new partner wanting to use sex toys during your first hook-up, and my initial answer was an enthusiastic ‘YES PLEASE I’M SO DOWN FOR THIS’. I managed to entirely miss out the nuance and questions you need to ask your partner before whipping out a vibrator (or a whip!). So, how should you approach discussing sex toys if you want to use them in a first time hook-up?
There is a lot I don’t know about sex. It feels weird to admit that, to admit that I’m a sex writer who has massive gaps in my knowledge. When I started sex blogging, I’m not sure if I felt a pressure to pretend like I knew everything or if I knew so little that I thought I did know everything. I’m not sure which of those is worse. I’ve learned a lot in the last few years, and I’ve learned that there’s a lot that I don’t know. I’m an unapologetic sex nerd and sex blogger… but I want to be a sex educator too.
We talk about aftercare after kink scenes – like safe words, hard limits and safer sex practices, aftercare is fundamental part of our pre-scene elevator pitch. What I hear less people talk about is aftercare after sex, which I definitely need as well. Even if I’ve just given you a quick blow job, I need aftercare – specifically your assurances that I wasn’t terrible at sucking your dick.