Three purple vibrators (a wand, a rabbit, and a bullet vibe) lie on an orange and yellow background. Photo.

The idea for this post arose during a Sex Ed Uncensored discussion – I’m getting a lot of content from Submissive Feminist’s weekly Twitter chat! We were talking about how you’d react to a new partner wanting to use sex toys during your first hook-up, and my initial answer was an enthusiastic ‘YES PLEASE I’M SO DOWN FOR THIS’. I managed to entirely miss out the nuance and questions you need to ask your partner before whipping out a vibrator (or a whip!). So, how should you approach discussing sex toys if you want to use them in a first time hook-up?Read More →

Colourful wooden blocks with phrase "SEX EDUCATION" on light blue background. Photo.

There is a lot I don’t know about sex. It feels weird to admit that, to admit that I’m a sex writer who has massive gaps in my knowledge. When I started sex blogging, I’m not sure if I felt a pressure to pretend like I knew everything or if I knew so little that I thought I did know everything. I’m not sure which of those is worse. I’ve learned a lot in the last few years, and I’ve learned that there’s a lot that I don’t know. I’m an unapologetic sex nerd and sex blogger… but I want to be a sex educator too.Read More →

Black couple in bed together, laughing and being intimate. Photo.

We talk about aftercare after kink scenes – like safe words, hard limits and safer sex practices, aftercare is fundamental part of our pre-scene elevator pitch. What I hear less people talk about is aftercare after sex, which I definitely need as well. Even if I’ve just given you a quick blow job, I need aftercare – specifically your assurances that I wasn’t terrible at sucking your dick.Read More →

A queer couple lying on the floor next to each other, looking at each other and smiling. Photo.

Have you ever had sex when you aren’t fully enthusiastic about fucking? I expect most of us have – it’s not that you mind having sex at that moment, but you’d probably rather listen to a podcast or go for a run or eat buttered hot cross buns in your pyjamas. I want to talk about sex that we absolutely consent to, but that we’re having more out of obligation and awkwardness than because we really want to fuck.Read More →

A transmasculine gender-nonconforming person caressing the face of a transfeminine non-binary person. Photo.

I am a queer, trans, afab person with vaginismus who doesn’t have penis-in-vagina sex: according to society’s traditional definitions of sex, I’m a virgin. Let’s set aside the fact that virginity is a social concept used to control and shame women and afab folks. Instead, let’s discuss about why foreplay is a heteronormative idea that devalues vulvalic pleasure, centralises penis-in-vagina sex, and implies that the ‘aim’ of sex is the male orgasm.Read More →