Valentine’s day is a Big Deal for sex writers and sex bloggers, but I traditionally celebrate a different significant day on 14th February. I know I still have a lot to learn – about myself and about sex – and I know half the things I want from sex and relationships right now will undoubtedly change, but I am proud of what I have learned about sex so far. So today I’m (consensually!) stealing an idea from my birthday twin, Kelvin Sparks, and sharing 21 things I learned about sex at 21.
I never wish I lived in (or closer to) London more than when there are brilliant sex positive events happening that I can’t make it to – like the opening of the Vagina Museum tomorrow! Its first exhibition opens to the public this weekend and I’d love to be joining my sex blogging friends there tomorrow.
I love talking about sex. I want to dissect the ways I say ‘I love you’ and make sure I know my partners’ verbal limits inside out so we can explore humiliation play. Luckily* I’m dating a sex nerd who is almost as into talking about sex and talking about how we talk about sex as I am. They understand that asking questions while you’re fucking can be really hot – and often leads to spectacular sex.
Right now I seem to be sharing a lot about how I’m fucking up and trying to do better. While I’m sure no one views me as an all-knowing sexpert, I do often share the highlights of my life rather than the moments that leave me weeping in fetal position. But I’m a flawed human who messes up, and I often mess up around continual consent.
Twitter informs me that it’s National Coming Out Day… so obviously I’m spent twenty minutes this morning taking all of my sex-positive artwork down. I also hid my bisexual pride flag and my Eroticon mugs. Why? Because I still censor myself for my parents’ approval, even though I hate myself for doing so.