Welcome to 2021, folks, where it’s front page news that a thirty-year-old woman uses sex toys. The response to the Zoella article entitled ‘The Best Sex Toys to Spice Up Your Life in 2021′ is a great example of some good, old-fashioned misogyny mixed with a deep-rooted fear of sex, all wrapped up in a shiny ‘won’t someone think of the children!’ package.
The idea for this post arose during a Sex Ed Uncensored discussion – I’m getting a lot of content from Submissive Feminist’s weekly Twitter chat! We were talking about how you’d react to a new partner wanting to use sex toys during your first hook-up, and my initial answer was an enthusiastic ‘YES PLEASE I’M SO DOWN FOR THIS’. I managed to entirely miss out the nuance and questions you need to ask your partner before whipping out a vibrator (or a whip!). So, how should you approach discussing sex toys if you want to use them in a first time hook-up?
Today’s post was going to be a super indulgent list where I share what kinky Christmas presents I wish I could buy myself this year. And, ok, it technically is that, but it’s also a list of the festive fucks I’m not going to have this year, but really wish I could. These are essentially my current filthiest fantasies – mince pies aside.
Sex toys you can use as a couple are no different to sex toys you could use on your own, but it’s sometimes hard to switch things up in the bedroom. From new sensations to exploring kinks to having more orgasms, sex toys can bring a LOT to the table, and even if you have to sit down and talk to your partner about potentially feeling ‘replaced’ by your sparkly new dildo (they shouldn’t!), it’s totally worth it.
Vagina therapy – where I’ve been tackling my vaginismus with a trained medical professional – has been a real learning experience. I go into each appointment absolutely filled with anxiety, but learning why my vagina is so emphatically against being penetrated is actually really interesting. My homework has included exploring what turns me on, jerking off, and – as of my last appointment – playing with my vaginal dilators.