Vaginal dilators: pretty, purple, and very, very painful

Vagina therapy – where I’ve been tackling my vaginismus with a trained medical professional – has been a real learning experience. I go into each appointment absolutely filled with anxiety, but learning why my vagina is so emphatically against being penetrated is actually really interesting. My homework has included exploring what turns me on, jerking off, and – as of my last appointment – playing with my vaginal dilators.

I haven’t used them yet.

Unwrapping the vaginal dilators was almost a ritual. It was over a year since I’d bought them – on an adventure to Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium in London – and they’ve been sitting in my sex-toy box ever since. I took them out after a luxurious bath, which I followed by covering myself in delicious smelling body butter. By the time I climbed on to my bed with the box, I was feeling relaxed and aroused and so, so ready to try putting one of the silicone toys inside me.

My own fear stopped me.

I’m still scared of the pain. Even the smallest dilator is bigger than my littlest finger, which I’ve previously attempted to push inside my cunt to no success and great pain. I’m working on conquering my vaginismus, and I’m much more comfortable with the idea of something penetrating my vagina than I was a few months ago. For now, my vaginal dilators sitting on the bookshelf at the foot of my bed and I’ll fetch the smallest for my self-date wanking evenings.

They’re so pretty, and so purple, but so far that hasn’t prevented my pelvic floor muscles from tensing in anticipation of the pain.

A set of four purple vaginal dilators lying on purple tissue paper. Photo.

 

Sinful Sunday

Sinful Sunday is run by the wonderful Molly Moore – click the kiss for more sins…

This is Sh!’s very own Vibrating Silicone Vaginal Dilators Set! They’re designed to be more user-friendly than the NHS provided vaginal dilators, but Sh! recommends purchasing them on the advice of your doctor, nurse or therapist. If you experience pain in the vulva and/or vaginal area, it’s recommended to that you see a medical professional before attempting the dilating process.

In a difficult position
Cold metal butt plugs, filthy fucking ideas, and ice-cream

13 Comments

  1. I think you are doing amazing. This is a huge thing to work on and I think you are doing brilliantly with it. Remember to be kind to yourself

    Mollyx

  2. It is wonderful that you are getting help with this but so sad that you are plagued with such an uncomfortable and distressing problem.
    The stuff from the Sh! store looks so great and good quality.

  3. It sounds like that would cause a lot of anxiety, so I understand feeling nervous about it. I’m sorry you’re going through that but I wish you luck on your journey to penetration without pain.

  4. Thank you for sharing this, Q. It’s good to read about how you are tackling what must be a scary thing.

  5. Quinn, I am totally intrigued. I have a cousin who has told me that sex hurts so incredibly much, and I now wonder if she has vaginismus too. I am intrigued at your determination to work on this, and how you are doing. Thank you for sharing.

    Rebel xox

  6. They are so prettily purple! I wish you well in your explorations and hope you get to use your dilators soon without pain.

  7. Thank you for sharing something so intimate, I wish you all the luck with your dilators! They look very pretty, I like the purple.

  8. I really understand this, having suffered (to a much lesser degree than you). Well done with the progress you are making. I’m sure you will over come xx

  9. One step at a time and you will overcome. Just remember to be kind to yourself and don’t pile on the pressure.

  10. I’m happy you are able to work with a medical professional.


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