This time last year, I wrote a post about my kink goals for 2019, which included bruises, butt stuff, and a birthday spanking. Given how embarrassingly ambitious I was with those, I wasn’t going to set any sex goals for 2020… until I realised that subconsciously I had set myself goals, and it would be silly not to share them.
Content note for brief discussion of Daddy kink.
I do want to say off the top that the point of these sex goals isn’t to put pressure on other people – or on me! I love thinking and talking about sex, and this is an extension of that, rather than a way to beat myself up because I get to December and find I’ve had a year of very little sex.
Until recently I’d have described myself as a sub-leaning switch, but in the last few months I’ve become much more comfortable stepping up and being in control in a D/s scene. My switchiness is very compatible with my partner’s, and we frequently switch up the power dynamics in our fucking. Beating them (with a meat tenderiser) for the first time was both hot and terrifying: being a top in a scene is hard. It’s great fun though, and something work working on so I can be a better dominant who is aware of my submissive’s needs. I want to grow in my confidence as a dom in 2020, because unlocking my sadism has been one of the most exciting parts of the last few months.
I’m in a romantic relationship for the first time in my life, and I hope I’ll still be dating my enboifriend when reflecting on these goals in another twelve months. I do want to embrace my solo poly slut status though, and put myself out there on the dating scene in 2020. I’d love a local play partner, partly because I want to have more regular sex. I’d also like to explore my own limits and boundaries when it comes to intimacy and casual sex. I want to be brave enough to flirt, to get out there and have fun, and to see if dating apps can lead to good fucking.
It’s not a secret that I’m into humiliation play, and I really want to keep exploring it with it in 2020. From orgasm denial to sucking dick, degradation feeds into a lot of the sex I have. I like being made to blush, to squirm, and to get off in embarrassing ways just for the amusement of my partners. I want to keep playing with piss play, face slapping, and butt stuff in ways that make me writhe with shame because that shame feels good. Part of this is me saying that I want more good sex this year, but I also want to keep poking and pushing my limits and discovering new things I’m into.
I believe that talking about sex leads to better sex, and am an enthusiastic advocate of asking questions about fucking. I’m also guilty of not having those difficult conversations though, which has led to my worst sex ever. I want to aim for more emotional honesty in 2020, because vulnerability is really hard but it’s also important. I want to make sure I don’t shy away from these difficult conversations, and however hard it is to speak up about my needs it’s worth asking the folks I’m fucking to talk to me.
I’ve never used a dental dam while going down on someone. In fact, I’ve never used a condom while sucking someone off either, but I have played with a lot more folks with dicks than I have folks with clits. While not only men have cocks (and queer dick is possibly my favourite thing) I want to step into my bisexuality more. I’m using this goal to say two things I’d like to do more of in 2020: flirt, make out, and potentially play with more folks with vulvas, and keep my sexual health at the forefront of my mind as I jump into the coming year’s sex adventures.
This year I want to keep getting to know my cunt, because I’m still a long way from being fully comfortable with my own body. I haven’t spent as much time as I should practicing pelvic floor drops, doing mindful masturbation, or using my vaginal dilators in the last few months. I need to change that in 2020. I know it’s going to be painful – and involves unlearning my internalised sexual shame as well as just dusting off my dilators – but I want to make it a priority to work on my vaginismus.
I’m not going to share too much about this one here, because it taps into some stuff that I’m not going to be talking about publicly for a while yet. I did however, recently play with calling my partner ‘Daddy’ for the first time, and I hope it’s something we’re going to explore more together in 2020.
Writing all of these down has made me excited about the fucks I’m going to have in the coming year. So folks, what are your sex goals for 2020?
Is one of your 2020 goals to support more queer creators? You should totally pledge some £/$/€ to my Ko-fi and help me keep writing about sex!
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a freelance journalist, sex writer, and professional transsexual. His work focuses on dismantling shame and queering sex.