Sharing sex-positive shit: May 2020

A laptop, coffee cup, orange notebook and white headphones sit on a desk next to the text 'blogger positivity: May's shit'. Photo.

May was Masturbation Month, but we’re in 2020 so obviously COVID has crept into some of the sex-positive shit I’m sharing this month. While the global pandemic itself can fuck right off, I do like that we’re taking time to acknowledge that just because sex toy sales are sky-rocketing around the world, it’s totally ok if you have absolutely no interest in getting off right now. Oh yeah, and I’m still angry about transphobia, so that’s another theme in this month’s round-up.

Titles are links, please click away and show these awesome bloggers some love. We really need it this month. 

Girl on the Net – Masturbation Month: 5 dirty stories to inspire you

This post really did inspire me. GOTN’s lockdown-lust flash fiction is incredibly hot – I definitely have some squirmy feels about the phrase “whipping boy” now. There’s just SO MUCH filth in this post, including a very pervy piece about a guy challenging his boyfriend not to think about his dick while denying him orgasms. It also reminded me that even though I’m a sex blogger and it’s Masturbation Month, it’s ok if I don’t want to jerk off all the time.

“A Masturbation Month that falls in the middle of a global pandemic is inevitably going to make a lot of people feel weird if they’re not wanking, but please don’t sweat it. Even many of us whose job it is to talk about wanking are all over the place right now. You’re not alone.” 

Arousibility – I’ve stopped masturbating, or have I?

Ruby made a 2020 resolution to stop masturbating because it was just too painful, but she’s started again and has written this very raw, powerful post about how it’s still painful and also exhausting. Navigating masturbation when your partner is home all the time is hard, navigating masturbation when orgasms can hurt you is hard, and we need to talk about that. Oh, and about the fact that it’s totally ok not to want to masturbate.

“Masturbation is work because I am putting all my effort into it. […] When I’m by myself, I might be cunt clenchingly turned on, but physically I have to hold a toy, or maybe deal with lube and lubed up fingers, move the sheets, and do all the work… it’s exhausting.”

Girly Juice – I Miss Going to Sex Shops

I love writing that makes me want to get off my ass and do shit – like go to my local sex shop. In this piece, Kate talk about how sex shops are hubs for community education about sex that doesn’t exist anywhere else. She shares some of her experiences as an employee and a customer, and reminds us of some of the ways we can (and should!) support these “de facto sexual community centres” so they survive the pandemic.

“I saw people’s eyes light up when they happened upon a new-to-them erotic possibility. I saw people’s excitement radiate off them as they sauntered out of the shop with a fresh sexy treat in a brown paper bag. I saw that this work transforms sex lives and also sometimes saves lives.”

A Kinky Autistic – Alright, Fine, I’ll Write About The Fucking Pandemic

Content note for suicidal ideation – both in the post itself and my mini ‘you should go read this!’ summary here. Morgan is right: their feelings ARE real and valid, and I’m so glad they wrote about them. Two and a half years ago I bought Eroticon tickets so I had to force myself to stay alive until March 2018, so I related to a LOT of what they said in this post. And it’s ok to complain, even if others have it worse – we’re all struggling right now.

“When booking my tickets last summer, before anyone could have possibly predicted a global pandemic, I told myself, “Well, now I’ve gotta stay alive ’til March!” and took it as a challenge. It would be rude to kill myself when I’ve already bought a ticket, after all.”

Godemiche – Gender Glossary 101: An Intro To Trans Terminology

Maybe this one isn’t really in the spirit of Share our Shit Saturday because I wrote it, but I’m super proud of this post. In it, I explain the difference between gender identity and gender expression and remind y’all that non-binary folks don’t owe you androgyny. It’s imperfect but it’s good, and I’m really glad that Godemiche commissioned a trans person (hi!) to write a resource on trans terminology.

“Are you ever confused by the words trans and non-binary folks throw around when they’re talking about gender? The queer and trans communities have a lot of their own language, and it’s completely ok not to understand everything straight away.”

A to Sub Bee – It’s all a bit pants

Ok, I know that I picked this one as one of my featured posts as guest editor of eLust this month but I think it deserves one more shout out. I felt so seen by this post in a way that I wasn’t expecting to. Bee talks about gender identity and gender expression and the pressure they feel to conform to society’s expectations for an afab person. I know they know this, but they don’t need to perform femininity for folks to find them hot.

“Call my cunt my cunt, my tits my tits and my clit my clit, although calling it my little dick is also kinda hot. […] Tell me I’ve been a good girl and I’m going to be grinning but tell me I’ve been a good boi and fuuuuccckkk, I’ve melted into a puddle.”

Adult Conversations – Perception will do wonders for your sex life

Do you ever read something when you end up cheering aloud even though you’re sitting alone in your flat, scrolling through a blog post on your laptop? I definitely whooped while reading this, because it’s an unapologetic exploration of putting aside traditional narratives about what “good” sex looks like in favour of doing the things you want. It can be really hard, but working out what good sex looks like to you is important.

“That’s the first time that I’ve felt that good about it from MY side rather than enjoying my partner’s enjoyment in a WHILE. Having sex while actually feeling comfortable with yourself is tops. 10 out of 10, would definitely recommend it.”

The Smutlancer – Smutlancers Q&A: May 2020 Mailbag

We took a break last month but the Smutlancer Spotlight is back and I want to shine it on this brilliant podcast episode. I mean, I love all of the content over at The Smutlancer, but this one stands out because Kayla and Molly were adorably bad at answering my rapid-fire questions. They’ve both been there so fucking much for me over the last month, and I’m so grateful to them for all their help and support.

“Bios suuuuuck.”

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All the blogger positivity: eLust #130

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