Sharing sex-positive shit: October 2020

A desk with a laptop keyboard, open notebook, and potted plant. Photo.

Somehow we’re ten whole months through 2020, so it’s time for me to share my favourite sex-positive shit from October.

Are my Share Our Shit Saturday posts getting too long? I’m honestly not sure at this point.

Betty Butch – 8 Ways Online Sex Shops Are Alienating Marginalized Customers

I love this post, where it feels like Betty Butch (they/she) read my mind as they wrote about the ways in which sex shops are homophobic, transphobic, ableist, racist and fatphobic. Except they wrote it way more eloquently than I ever could, of course, and literally had me shouting in agreement as I read it. This one is important, y’all.

“You know we wouldn’t have to try so hard to love ourselves if you weren’t directly contributing to the hatred and erasure of actual fat people. It’s almost like these businesses are selling the idealized life of being thin, white, straight and cisgender more than they’re selling pleasure products.”

Sugarbutch Chronicles – Is “Butch” A Nonbinary Identity?

I’ve spent a lot of the last few months thinking about gender so I had a LOT of thoughts when Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) posted this poll on Twitter. Their essay is a brilliant sociopolitical analysis the potentially oxymoronic idea of identifying as both “butch” and “non-binary” – and it reminded me how much I still have to learn about my own gender.

“When looking at butch as a socio-political identity, in general, not about one particular person, I would argue yes: it generally exists outside of compulsory binary gender identities of “man” or “woman,” and that’s one way to define nonbinary.”

WeNudeToTalk – Testing positive for COVID as a metaphor for STI shaming

I am a huge fan of WeNudeToTalk’s (she/her) TikTok videos, which I always watch via Instagram because despite being a gen Z sex writer I have no idea how to use TikTok. She makes brilliant sex education content and I love this video where she highlights the absurdity of shaming people for their STI status.

“Shaming someone for having an infection not only does nothing to get rid of the infection itself but ignores the wider structural barriers that make the spread of said infection far more likely.”

Quenby Creatives – 12 Things I Wish I’d Been Told As A Baby Trans

I cried reading this post, because Quenby (they/them) writes so vulnerably about the things they wish they’d known when they came out as trans. It felt like they were speaking directly to me – especially when they talked about how they’d felt like an imposter, never comfortable in their own skin. Fuck, coming out as trans is definitely worth it.

“Despite all the struggles you have to face, you won’t regret this. Not for a single day. You can’t even see the growth and joy which branches out ahead of you. Life is so much better when you’re honest about who you are.”

Super Smash Cache – Review: Cute Little Fuckers Trinity vibrating alien dildo

It has to be a really fucking good review to make me consider buying a dildo that I technically can’t put inside me yet, but this one really did. Cy’s (she/her) review made me super curious about how Trinity (an ADORABLE cloud creature who loves hugging, dancing, and cave exploring) would feel inside me. (Seriously, this dildo is so cute.)

“There’s no hot pink or gendered marketing anywhere on their website. […] It’s refreshing for anyone tired of the stereotype that sex toys are just for single cis women. Toys are for everyone.”

Girl on the Net – For the one night stands who were not mistakes

Reading this blog post made me grin so much. Girl on the Net (she/her) talks about how one night stands can change you – not by taking away your worthiness to be loved but by giving you something brilliant. I love the idea of collecting the stories of one night stands like tiny, sparkly jewels, and I totally agree that one night stands are not mistakes.

“And it’s a story you can remember, or tell, or try your best to forget – but the act of remembering or retelling or forgetting shapes who you are today too. You are your stories. You are your fucks. Even if they only happened once.”

Coffee And Kink – Pancakes

Amy Norton (she/her) wrote so much brilliant sex positive in October that choosing just one post to share was a challenge. However, despite how much I love her analysis of the “cool girls have anal sex” trope, this personal piece about pancakes is my favourite. I love the idea of intimacy shared through cooking your partners breakfast.

“It’s one thing to get dolled up and go out to a restaurant and then go home and fuck and slip out before we fall asleep. It’s another entirely to let you see me with bed hair, morning face, pre-coffee blearly eyes.”

Ev’Yan Whitney – Please stop trying to be someone you’re sexually not

I saw Ev’Yan Whitney’s (they/she) Instagram post on a day when I needed it. I’m struggling right now with a super low (or more honestly: non-existent) sex drive, and it’s been really helpful to ask myself who I’d be if I let go of trying to be someone I will never be sexually. Do I put too much pressure on myself to perform my sexuality?

“I would be someone who would no longer question their low libido as being a dysfunction, and would instead embrace that it’s okay if my sexuality—what it needs and how it expresses itself—is quieter than what I’m told it should be.”

Molly’s Daily Kiss – This very moment

Molly (she/her) is someone else who has created so much brilliant fuck-positive content this month that choosing one to highlight was hard, but this photo is so damn good. Molly is an amazing photographer and this image has me craving fucking and intimacy: it literally made me shiver with the desperate want to suck someone’s dick.

“I have to admit there is something extra special about photographing a man who is also your lover. There is an intimacy to it that in my limited experience results in pictures that just have something special about them.”

Girly Juice – How to Write 1,000 Blog Posts

In the Smutlancer Spotlight this month is Kate Sloan (she/her), who is celebrating having published one-fucking-thousand blog posts on her site. This is an incredible achievement and I love Kate’s tips for other sex bloggers who want to make it to 1,000 blog posts. (Honestly I find Kate and her work pretty fucking inspiring.)

“I certainly would not have been able to write 1,000 blog posts solely from the limited perspective of the 19-year-old sex nerd I was when I started this blog – but writing 1,000 blog posts from my ever-shifting perspectives from ages 19 to 28? That was no problem at all.”

Naked in an autumn graveyard
Can casual sex help fuck my sex drive back to life?

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