The Great BDSM Bake Off – erotica writing challenge

The Bake Off tent, filled with baking implements and kink and sex toys.
Artwork by Violet Fawkes.

Tonight folks will be tuning into the final of the tenth series of the Great British Bake Off, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who will be left wanting more. Bake Off is by far my favourite TV show, and I’ve written a piece of erotica – The Great Filthy Fuck On – that is inspired my some of the more pervy thoughts I’ve had while watching it. And surely I’m not the only one who likes to combine Bake Off and BDSM?

The perversion of a delightfully wholesome TV show will follow – read on at your own risk. Also I plug my own work a LOT. 

Looking through my erotica archives, I realise I’ve written quite a lot of filth that features both baking and BDSM. I wish other folks would write more of it too – after all, what’s not to love about vigorous anal sex followed by sticky toffee pudding?

The challenge

To enter the Great BDSM Bake Off you need to write a piece of smut that includes baking and BDSM in some way.

Yep, it’s that simple. You have two whole months to write some erotica that features kink, power dynamics, or just explicitly filthy sex AND baking.

You could write a story set in the Bake Off tent, where the bakers repurpose baking implements into sex toys for them to use to pass time while their cakes are in the oven. You could write some smut where your characters place bets on the winner of Bake Off, with fun (i.e. sexy) rewards for the winners or consequences for those whose bakers get knocked out. You could write a story about a couple who fuck during the ad breaks that have cut Bake Off into segments since it moved to Channel 4. You could write about a marathon fuck-session that requires careful biscuit planning to allow you to power through all of the positions and kinks you want to play with.

If you don’t have your own blog, I’m more than happy to host your entry here – you can email me at onquinnrhodes(at)gmail(dot)com.

The prizes

Yes, this IS a competition, and yes there WILL be prizes. Specifically, in this case, in the form of wonderful, colourful sex toys by the UK-based sex toy makers Godemiche:

  • 1st prize is £30 of sex toys from Godemiche – which would buy you one of their awesome new textured dildos, and
  • 2nd prize is £15 of sex toys from Godemiche – which would buy you an Off Beat masturbator or a butt plug.

The way this will work is that after the winners are announced, they can contact me and let them know what Godemiche toys they would like and what address they would like them to be posted to. I will then order the toys, and have them shipped to the winners’ addresses.

Inspiration and ideas

As long as there are some elements of baking and fucking in your story, it’s going to be fine. If you need a little bit more inspiration, why not take the themes of each week of the Bake Off as a prompt?

  • Week 1 – Cake Week – for example, write something about butt sex and cupcakes
  • Week 2 – Biscuit Week – like how the ingredients used to bake gingerbread can be used for figging
  • Week 3 – Bread Week
  • Week 4 – Dairy Week – Lessons In Kate’s ‘Cheesecake‘ is possibly the hottest thing I’ve ever read
  • Week 5 – Twenties Week
  • Week 6 – Dessert Week
  • Week 7 – Festivals Week – why not write something about impact play and mince pies?
  • Week 8 – Pastry Week – there are lots of uses for a rolling pin apart from rolling out pastry
  • Week 9 – Patisserie Week – because petit four can also be used to gag your partner
  • Week 10 – The Final.

Another suggestion is to write an erotic story for your side of the ‘which is better, chocolate yule log or Christmas pudding?’ argument. It’s a very important debate, and I think that a lighthearted way to argue about it is by making either Christmassy dessert a feature of your fucking. (See my attempt here.)

The rules

It wouldn’t be a competition without some rules, would it? These are the guidelines for joining in:

  • Write your piece of Great BDSM Bake Off erotica,
  • Add the Great BDSM Bake Off writing challenge badge, the code for which you can grab below,
  • Publish it on your blog by midday on 29th December 2019,
  • Add your link to the link-y up tool below, and
  • Tweet about your fabulous filth!

And there are a few further rules as well:

  • Your entry must be sex positive,
  • You must be over 18 to enter (and in fact to be reading my blog at all…), and
  • You must be happy to give me your address if you win so I can send you your prize.

My aim is to announce the winners of the Bake Off and BDSM erotic writing challenge no later than 9th January 2020, after which I will contact the winners so they can claim their prizes.

A selection of bakes and butt plugs sit on a bench. Graphic.

Pick up your own badge here, by copy-and-pasting the text below into your draft post when it’s in the text/html mode (not the ‘visual’ mode).

<a href="https://onqueerstreet.com/?attachment_id=3107" rel="attachment wp-att-3107"><img class="aligncenter wp-image-3107" src="https://onqueerstreet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/CqlkjWET-300x300.jpg" alt="A selection of bakes and butt plugs sit on a bench. Graphic. " width="250" height="250" /></a>

If you have any questions, please in touch with at onquinnrhodes(at)gmail(dot)com.

In the style of the Great British Bake Off hosts: on your marks, get set, write filth!

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter


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2 Comments

  1. Great idea! ? I’ll start putting together my recipe for some smutty Baking themed smut!!

  2. I love the idea and am very tempted to join… If only so I can have that awesome (and hilarious) badge on my blog, too! 😀

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