The last six months have marked a significant increase in the amount of butt stuff I’ve experienced when it’s my arse that’s being played with. I’m still building up what I can take when comes to anal play, but if my body is up for it I’ve discovered that I really like it – especially the feeling of a butt plug pushing inside my ass.
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I breath, because it’s important to remember to breath. I try to relax, because tensing won’t help the butt plug slide inside me. I’m getting used to it, though: I’m no longer so scared that I can’t take it or that it will hurt. I drop the vibrator, because it’s awkward to hold it against my clit as I find the right angle to push the plug inside me.
I don’t need the vibe, not like I did when I started exploring solo anal play. The idea of being filled and fucked is hot, and my clit twitches and throbs as I press the tip of the butt plug against my asshole. Not pushing inside, just a gentle pressure as I tease myself for a moment. And it is a tease nowadays, when I feel excitement rather than nerves at the thought of filling myself.
No matter how much lube I slathered over the plug before pressing it against my ass, I’ll add more before I actually push it inside. Maybe you can have too much lube, but I’d rather err on the side of having too much than too little, so drizzle a generous amount over the plug. I love how it looks, sparkly or pearlescent silicon covered in water-icing-like swirls of lube. It’s far more beautiful like that than it does when it’s actually inside me, when you can’t see anything but the base of the plug and the excess lube squeezing messily out around it into my pubes.
I’d like to say that I dirty talk to myself, as I kneel and lean forward so my asshole is exposed and it’s easy to find it with the tip of the plug. In reality, though, I’m far too lost in the sensation to fantasise – there’s a thousand hot stories I could tell myself, but all that’s real to me is the steady pressure against my ass. The feeling of the butt plug about to push inside.
I breath again.
Pushing inside is the scary bit, but it’s no longer scary because it’s going to hurt. Instead, it scares me – just a little, how easy it is, and how good it feels. The lubed-up plug pushes in a fraction of an inch, then a fraction more, and then I can feel myself wanting more. It’s strange, the feeling of wanting – no, needing – to push it inside. Not fast, not hard, but for a moment my asshole feels greedy for the plug.
I can feel the stretch of course, especially if it’s been a while since I plugged myself. A low ache that grows – just a little – as the plug reaches its widest point. It’s a good kind of pain, the burn of being stretched. It makes me feel present, and it makes me feel better when I push through it to fill myself. If there wasn’t a degree of challenge connected to the butt plug, I’m not sure I’d find it so hot. The endurance is hot.
It gets easier every time I do it, of course, as my muscles learn to relax and accept the thin, silicone plug. Not easy enough that I can imagine – as I slowly push it into my ass – a dominant pinning me down and plugging me, or a sadist carefully instructing me how to fuck myself with it. I don’t think about that – I breath and try not to clench at the sudden feeling of fullness.
One day I want to try being spanked while wearing the plug, but I’m not there yet. For the moment it’s enough to shift position slightly, so I’m sitting up straight. It pushes the plug deeper inside me, and something about it feels so good that I can’t stop myself from squirming. I feel satisfied when my ass is filled in a way I’ve never experienced before – as well as strong and powerful and proud of myself for taking it.
I haven’t made myself come with the butt plug inside me – not yet. Nor have I worn it out and about under my clothes, pretending my ass isn’t filled. I have managed the first step of wondering around my flat while plugged, though, delighting in how full I feel in a way that’s uncomfortable, yes, but in a hot way. I start up the vibrator again, imagining being ordered to train my ass until I can keep a butt plug in it for that long. Even though I want to work up to being anally topped by a partner’s dick or dildo, I’m in no hurry to rush the process of teaching myself to take bigger and bigger butt plugs.
And not only because the idea of training my ass is hot, but because I’ve fallen in love with the feeling of the cool, lubed up butt plug pushing inside my ass.
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Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a queer, trans, disabled sex writer with vaginismus. He’s a slut and a sex nerd who writes about his adventures in trying to fuck without fucking up. Quinn can usually be found wearing stomp-on-the-patriarchy boots while falling in love every time he fucks.