I have really, really missed taking part in with Sinful Sunday, so I’m back again. I’m being even braver this week and sharing a photo of my own body, which still feels incredibly scary. I’m continuing my exploration of what counts as “sinful” with a photo of my newly examined tummy rolls.
As well as my anxiety around joining in with Sinful Sunday, I certainly wasn’t expecting to submit a photo on a prompt week – especially when that prompt is an actual photographic term that implies some skill is needed. But when I saw that the prompt was double exposure I did have an idea. An idea that I was so confident that might work that I DM’ed Molly, hoping that she would offer some advice. She did, with some help I’ve managed to bring my idea to life.
I have a confession to make: I don’t love how my stomach looks right now.
I don’t know if I was just looking-and-not-seeing before, but it feels like I’ve only just noticed my little tummy rolls. I’m challenging myself to be comfortable with these changes, and today I have done my best to explore this in a double exposure photo of me sucking in my stomach and trying to look petite (which I can still do!) overlaid with one of me with these tiny rolls of fat and flesh that I can pinch.
While I know that I have huge amounts of thin privilege, putting on weight is still a weird experience in our society. I’ve been underweight for several years now – I need to put on weight, as has been confirmed by several doctors. That doesn’t make it easier to look at myself in the mirror or struggle to zip up my favourite skirts or dresses. Loving my body – my beautiful, healthy body – as it changes is hard.
In this society, accepting my cute little tummy rolls and being happy with them is sinful; I should be ashamed of my body. I’m learning to love it, just as I’m learning to edit my own photos and maybe even say I’m proud of the image I’ve created.
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a queer, trans, disabled sex writer with vaginismus. He’s a slut and a sex nerd who writes about his adventures in trying to fuck without fucking up. Quinn can usually be found wearing stomp-on-the-patriarchy boots while falling in love every time he fucks.