Even before I had sex for the first time, I was pretty sure that I wanted to eat ass. Rimming comes up less frequently in my filth writing than it does in the sex I actually have. Even then, it’s something I enjoy infrequently due to the feasibility of any kind of anal play. As I stuck my tongue in my enboifriend’s ass yesterday, this seems a good time to talk about the practicalities of rimming.
Content note for discussion of piss play and encountering poop during anal play.
I am a big fan of butt stuff. I enjoy anally topping my partners with a strap-on. I love making folks I’m fucking squirm when I fill their ass with a butt plug. I like telling someone to spread themselves so I can work a lubed-up finger into their ass. I’m very into holding your asscheeks open and spitting into your asshole. I like anal play because it’s intimate and filthy and a little bit taboo, and anilingus is even more intimate, filthy and taboo.
It’s important to note that I’m not good at eating ass. Like many things, I approach it with enthusiasm rather than technique. I have partners who are good at it, and who can make me feel worshipped and used at the same time as they rim me.
There are a few different practicalities you need to consider when it comes to rimming. STIs can be transmitted via rimming, of course. In the same way that I’ve never thought to use a condom when giving a blow job, I’ve never used a dental damn while rimming someone. I’ve only engaged in anilingus with partners who I trust and have discussed STI status with – and anyway, part of the appeal of oral sex is putting my mouth on intimate parts of my partner’s body.
But even more in your face – sometimes literally – than the STI risk, is the possibility of encountering poop.
Everyone poops. If you engage in any sort of anal play, even with a partner who douches before you fuck, there’s a chance that you’re going to end up with poop on your dick, dildo, fingers, butt plug, or tongue. For the most part, these don’t bother me. Fingering a partner’s ass feels so good that I don’t usually use a condom: I want to feel the tight heat of their asshole clenching around me as I push inside. And after I’ve finished finger fucking them I can wash my hands. Lube stickiness and any smeared feces can disappear in seconds.
However, I’m less ok with the possibility of poop when it comes to rimming. I’m very into eating ass, but that doesn’t mean I’m always in the mood for it – and sometimes, that is because of poop. Sometimes my slutty enthusiasm will mean I’m up for it even if my partner’s ass isn’t perfectly clean, but often I’m not so into it.
That’s ok. I’m a bit scared of loosing my slut card by admitting that I don’t always want to stick my tongue in my partner’s ass, but it is totally fine. It’s ok if you don’t want to rim your partner after they’ve had a long day when they’ve been sweaty and taken a shit. It’s ok if you don’t want to eat their ass unless they’ve had a shower. It’s ok if you don’t want to put your fingers in your partner’s butt unless they’ve douched and you’re wearing latex gloves. All of those are reasonable boundaries to have.
Before Christmas I love sucking their dick, but when I put my mouth on it I could taste that they hadn’t showered. There was a musk, and for a second I paused. My slutty love of sucking cock battled with an instinct that I maybe didn’t want two-day-old dick in my mouth. There was a certain taste of stale piss, and I couldn’t switch off the part of myself that noticed that. It made me uncomfortable.
And then I rephrased it in my head. I am into piss after all, and we’ve talked about them peeing in my mouth before. The idea of being used as a urinal is hot, in a twisted and pervy way. Keeping that in mind that I wanted them to force me to swallow their piss, sucking their cock when it wasn’t perfectly fresh seemed completely ok. In fact, it felt like it could be pretty fucking hot, and when they came all over themselves ten minutes late I smirked in satisfaction and pervy pride.
Yesterday I fucked my enboifriend with a butt plug. A lubed-up, condom covered condom. When they pulled it out of their ass after we’d fucked and cuddled, their was a small bit of poop on the end. They passed me the condom so I could bin it while they rinsed off the butt plug, and the poop didn’t bother me.
Even though my tongue had been in their arse twenty minutes earlier.
We had shower sex earlier between dick sucking and butt plug fucking, so their ass was clean and I was relatively sure that I wasn’t going to unexpectedly encounter poop. But even as I was tongue-fucking them, part of me was feeling guilty that I might not have approached it with as much enthusiasm if their ass was less perfectly clean. Did that mean I was less of a slut? Of course it doesn’t, but when did rimming stop being hot because it could be messy and I wanted to do it anyway.
You’re allowed to not always want to eat your partner’s ass – poop is one of the unavoidable practicalities of rimming. I am no less of a sex positive slut if I’m scared of getting poop on my tongue. You are not less of a sex positive slut if you’re scared of getting poop on your tongue. And it’s ok that I’m still learning that.
Is one of your 2020 goals to support more queer creators? Right now my Patreon has been suspended for breaking their community guidelines by linking to pornographic content – it would be great if you could throw me some £/$/€ to help me fight this puritanical bullshit.
Quinn Rhodes (he/him) is a freelance journalist, sex writer, and professional transsexual. His work focuses on dismantling shame and queering sex.
